Christopher Hudspeth

Are we supposed to be dating? Or are we more like good friends? Special buddies? No, not special buddies, that just sounds awkward. Hmm, maybe this is just about hooking up mostly. So like, are we one of those whatever with benefits type deals?

You spot a gut-wrenching figure. A dark silhouette standing across the way, gazing in your direction. It’s Fate.

So often, single folks grumble over their loneliness and are told to relax because, “It’s not the end of the world.” Well now it is, and most people aren’t keen on the idea of dying without arms to rest in, or a hand to hold.

Sign up for a free trial of something that you’ll forget to cancel, thus earning yourself a full-blown membership.

That emotionally taxing time felt in between our sending of a significant text and receiving a reply is brutal. It seems the clocks gets sluggish, its hands covered in globs of molasses, struggling to tick forward.

When we give up completely because we’ve already won someone’s heart, we tend to forget that we could lose it.

Comedian, writer, rapper, actor. Today marks the 29th birthday of the ridiculously talented Donald Glover/Childish Gambino.

And just when you’d gone a full hour without thinking a single thought about that person, so-and-so tags their location on Facebook, recoating any faded ink and negating your erasing progress.

Come across something that you don’t need, need — but you’re convinced that you could really use (e.g. new bath towels, a Frappuccino maker, etc.). Place all of them in your cart with the utmost confidence.

You’re currently unavailable. Emotionally unavailable. Physically unavailable. Simply unavailable. Or is it unattainable? Either way, I know that I can’t like you.

Who wants to hang out or make plans with a habitually miserable of person? Scheduled negativity on our calendar? No thanks!

Love shouldn’t make someone feel like a bother. We shouldn’t be able to empathize with a pesky gnat at a picnic, being shooed away.

Everything was just fine. You were content in every sense of the word. Then one day there was a knock at the door and it was your old friend, Feelings.

Drunk Mode. Requires the user to take and pass a Breathalyzer test to measure intoxication and eliminate alcohol-induced calls or text messages.

The flattered cook then fixes you a serving larger than the original portion, making you put a foot in your mouth – which probably tastes better than the meal itself.

Twenty-four years worth of experience and nowhere near getting the hang of life – is that normal?

Have you ever looked at your bank statement after a night of partying? It’s a miserably depressing, 5 minutes of self-loathing regret. Like, I seriously spent $11.71 at Taco Bell? You can eat there like royalty for four bucks, so what the hell could I have possibly bought?

Those who start fights expect you to battle valiantly by their side. So when you don’t, they’ll question your loyalty. They’ll say that you showed ‘your true colors’. My theory is that as long as your true colors aren’t black and blue, you’re golden.