I Know It’s Inevitable That I Will Hurt You

Hugging you right now
feels unusually shattering
that I tried so hard not to break down
into your arms
and show how weak I am feeling.
Maybe because I know,
I know that this could be — this will be
the last time I could freely hug you
because after this,
I have to walk away and never look back.

Looking into your eyes,
my well-kept pain slowly intensifies
because I know that what I am about to do will hurt you.
I touched your face like I always do,
and hugged you tighter, tighter than usual,
memorizing in my mind this last memory of mine with you,
but I hope you didn’t notice.
I am drowned in you for some time
before it’s finally, time to go,
time to go for good.

As I break the hug
I noticed the sad smile you last gave me
and how you hugged me tighter than usual, too.
I didn’t look back,
but I am sure you were looking as I go.
Again, I remembered how you kissed the top of my head,
and how you smiled heartbreakingly sad at me,
then I realized, you knew.