Cassie Gacott

But just this once, I am putting it out in the open: I love you.

Because finally telling you that I love you very much meant having my heart broken, meant that I’m letting myself be weak, meant that I’m ready to accept rejection from you.

The more I attempt to escape from your trance, the more I am drawn back.

Seeing you that happy makes me think: have I ever made you that happy?

To us who are still struggling in doing this, it is time we put ourselves first too or no one else will.

Cowardice convinced us to stay in the same ground, in our safe zone; a zone where we both know we’d always last. Little did we know that ‘safe’ is not at all tantamount to painless, for it still hurt, it still hurt us countless times.

I am not sure if you realize that this is all about you, or if you’ll ever realize it, but yes, it’s you. It has always been you. It took me a little too long to admit, and be brave about it, but I hope it isn’t too late.

I hugged you the hardest when you felt like you were never good enough. I saw the best in you even if some never did. No, I am not asking for you to do the same, but why did you do this? Why are you doing this?

Everything about you is still a broken memory. Your face is still a painful image to imagine. Your voice is still an echoing sound in my head. Your skin against mine is still a familiar feeling for me. Everything about you is broken, yet beautiful.

They say pain changes people, but how come with you, I am still that same helpless, vulnerable girl who is madly in love with her first love?

There was something unexplainable in us, and it may be love, but it may also be not. The pain that wrapped our hearts blinded us both.

I need — and I want — to be strong for you,
because I want to see you get up once more,
and find your way back to the light