7 All-True Reasons Wine Is Better Than Having A Boyfriend

I think we can all admit that being in a relationship isn't always all its cracked up to be.

Updated 10 years ago, December 4, 2014

I think we can all admit that being in a relationship isn’t always all its cracked up to be. Having to deal with all of the petty and loud arguments – or even worse, getting the silent treatment that’s filled with a ridiculous amount of side eye – can sometimes be pretty frustrating and stressful. Seriously, just the thought of the last fight I had with my boyfriend that involved the two of us shouting over who left the empty milk carton in the fridge (don’t ask) gives me a major migraine.

But that, my friend, is where a nice bottle of fine wine comes in. You don’t have to be a wino to understand the power of a rich glass of Pinot Noir or why getting down and dirty with Chardonnay will involve a lot less headaches than that heated conversation with your boyfriend will. In fact, there are a lot of reasons why wine is better than having a boyfriend.

I’ll start you off with seven.

It’s a great listener. Whether you need to vent about your day or the fact that you’re still reeling from the aftermath of Shonda Rhyme’s crimes against your emotions (like the roller coaster ride that is Olivia and Fitz), Mr. Pinot Noir has got you covered.
It takes up residency in a no-judgment zone. Wine won’t judge you for having that extra slice of pie…at midnight. And really, it doesn’t get much better than that.
It’s great company. The more time you spend together, the sooner you’ll come to realize that your glass of wine is always down for a good time (and conversation will definitely flow as freely as that chilled bottle does).
It’ll always be there for you. Especially when you need it the most. In need of a drink before brunch just to deal with that annoyingly perky frenemy of yours? No questions asked.
It backs you up in fights. “Ohh, Burn! Burn!”
It’ll make you feel good without even trying. SO good.
It’s the perfect cuddle buddy. It’ll treat you to all of the fun of cuddling without the not-so-sexy parts. For starters, it can singlehandedly keep you warm at night – without hogging the covers. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what is.