This Is Me Trying To Learn To Get Over You

I never knew how it ended and why it was my choice in the end of a long story that lasted a short time. Maybe that’s what love is supposed to be. 

We were together to help each other see that we need to grow as individuals first before letting someone into our lives to fill the small gaps. But, why does this not feel right in some way? Sometimes I still think about you and how I wish you were still a text message away. However, I can’t think like that can I? It was choice to stop saying good morning, to stop saying hello, to stop saying I love you. 

Will I ever get over you? That’s my thought now at 1:00 AM. Truth be told I highly doubt that because just between the two of us I’m not ready to let go just yet. I want to still hold onto you. Some part of you. A part of the happiness we shared among all the fights, the harsh words said, and the tears shed. A part of the happiness that we had through the phone calls every day, the text messages, and the letters.

I did this for both of us.

Primarily to help you grow, to help me grow. But, am I crazy to think that someday after we finally find who we are as individuals to come back together as happy as we were before? That’s naive for me to think, isn’t it? Between the two of us I regret it now. I’m in the middle of wanting to text you and wanting to grow without you.

Getting over you isn’t something I want to do. Forgetting a first love is extremely difficult. Maybe because I never thought I could love someone as much as I loved you. I can’t think like this anymore. Only because you seem happy and I’m getting there. I just wish you’re with me and we can be happy together, just like before.

Getting over you is taking everything in me. I need alcoholic drinks in my bloodstream to help me clear all the memories we shared. Forgetting your first love is difficult and I didn’t think I would enter this point in my life where I would consider the one I let go the first love of my life.