On today’s Ask Reddit, people opened up about the most NSFW thing that ever happened in their family. It got a little too real.
1. Her mother-in-law found her “toy.”
My husband and I had to move in with his parents for about three months when we were having financial issues. As i have the very last bag in my hand ready to move to our new home i sat the bag on the living room floor and went to the bathroom. When i came out something was going off in the bag. I said “it’s probably our sons Thomas the train toy” My mom in law dives right in and pulls out my vibrator and holds it up for like 30 seconds like she’s the statue of liberty holding up her fucking torch. My father in law and brother in law were also right there in the room. Needless to say they still bring it up and Thomas the train is now code for vibrator in that family
2. Grandma Was friskier Than ANyone Expected
My grandma told my whole family at dinner that she had sex on the beach once. When asked when, she replied, when I was 76.
— Beblue
3. breakfast in bed was definitely a surprise
Thought it would be a good idea to make breakfast for my dad and step mum. Cooked it all, got it ready and bought the plates in and thought bringing it in unannounced would be a wonderful surprise.
I was not greeted by smiles.
Instead I was presented by an image that is forever burnt into my mind, my dad under the covers obviously plugging away with my step mum’s head hanging off the side of the bed with her eyes closed and showing me her O face. I retreated quickly but my brain went “well better put that in permanent storage and make it one of the clearest memories possible. Don’t worry, you won’t be forgetting any detail at all.”
— FOTBWN
4. When Dad was a bro
When I was still in school, I came home with my gf at the time. We’re upstairs in my room and she’s giving me a blowjob. Across the room, I see the door start to slowly, and ridiculously silently, open. In walks my father. Sees me, sees her. Most awkward eye contact ever. In a panic, I do the only thing I could think of. I point him out the door. Just as quietly as he came in, he was gone again. And on that day, he gained my eternal respect. She still doesn’t know.
Tl;dr – Dad was a bro when it counted most.
— laxintx
5. When Mom Forgot To Knock
When I was really young I was playing PlayStation in my brothers room, he has this giant poster of some blond model, half naked.. paused the game for a quick 5 minute wank, I finished up and just looked towards his bedroom door, my mum literally just walked away as I looked up… never got mentioned ever
— TCSawyer
6. Sharing A room with your family isn’t always fun and games
There was a time when my family lived in a tiny apartment. We had one bedroom with a double deck bed. My parents slept on the bottom bunk and my older sister and I slept at the top. Well, one night I wake up to the bed shaking and peeking below I realized my parents were having sex, I was like maybe 8 or 9 so I wasn’t really grossed out but just really confused. My sister slept through the entire thing, or so I’ve always thought.
7. When mom’s dildo became a toy
My mom chased my teenage brothers around the house inside and out with a dildo once. I had the chance to ask my brother about it later. He was pissed about it at the time, but I was like six? And my mom was laughing so much so I thought everyone was having a good time. Looking back at it, I can see why he was pissed, mom’s dildo Ew, and why she thought it was so funny. Good memories.
8. His girlfriend’s dad got a little too personal
When I was 18 I dated a girl. She lived about an hour away so I would stay at her house overnight, but her parents wouldn’t let us stay in the same room, so I slept in a guest bed in the basement.
Being 18 year olds we would be up very late, and go to bed around 2AM. Her dad was some kind of delivery driver and worked around 4. He came down to the basement every single morning before work and masturbated to porn on the desktop computer while I was “sleeping” 10 feet away. There was only a couch between us, so the first couple times I lifted my head to see what he was doing before I realized.
You better believe I didn’t keep it a secret from her. I’d quietly text from under the blanket “your dad’s jerkin it again right next to me”.
— Scudss_
9. This gives meaning to the phrase “keeping it in the family”
The morning after my wedding I bumped into my cousin in the hotel lobby and she was asking about one of my groomsmen. She wanted to know how we were related to him. I told her he was just a friend of mine. She looked disappointed by this, and at the time I had no idea why.
She’d cheated on her new husband with him after the wedding reception.
And she was bummed he wasn’t her cousin or some shit.
ಠ_ಠ
10. They thought her family wasn’t home
Back when I was in high school I worked with my girlfriend on weekends. After work, we’d go back to her house and usually had 2ish hours before her parents came home. On some days we’d take a nap, other days we’d watch a movie or fool around, etc.
One fateful Saturday, our nap session turned into sex; as an aside, she was pretty loud especially when she thought no one was home. So, we get started and everything is coming along nicely when all of a sudden there’s some aggressive banging on her bedroom door. Of course we freak out, get dressed, and open the door only to find that it was her sister’s boyfriend messing with us. So, we shut the door, and get back to business in a much more aggressive manner than initially. Her moaning is now more like yelling and I’m humping with reckless abandon when again there’s another round of banging on the door. This time we ignore it and keep going for another 10ish seconds before we hear here dad scream at us through the door.
He drove me home in his police cruiser immediately after that. 45ish minutes in silence with his shotgun in the backseat and a condom still on my (super flaccid) dick.
11. They shared a hotel room with their parents
When I was 12-13, at a hotel room with my parents for a basketball tournament (gold medal thanks for asking), they fucked. In the bed right next to mine. 10 mins after lights out.
I never mentioned it to anybody. Last weekend I was visiting NYC, and lo and behold we share a hotel room. They fucked. Again.
12. Auntie was looking for a booty call
My aunty rang my best mate (who was mowing her lawns during that time) and asked him to fuck her. He declined. It’s good because even though I don’t see her often, she usually slips me 50 bucks. I figure it’s her way of saying STFU.
— ShitInMyCunt-2dollar
13. When dad unexpectedly comes home for a little fun
I skipped school, I used to do it all the time because my Dad worked 7am-5pm most days and was a single father. I was in my room as per norm and he came home early. didn’t wanna get caught so stayed perfectly still. my bedrooms at the top of the stairs, the computer is RIGHT at the base of the stairs.
Dad watches porn for the next hour. i think he heard a squeak cos he stopped to holler up the stairs for me. but didn’t budge. didn’t move. didn’t say anything. just waited….five minutes pass, he’s satisfied. goes back to his business.
never told him. never skipped school again.
14. Dad forgot the living room doesn’t have a door
Damn, I remember that just before my father’s death he was sleeping in the living room (he snored loudly, my mom couldn’t take it). One night I went downstairs to the kitchen and caught him jacking it quite hard (living room is right by the stairs). He managed to cover himself before we made eye contact, he was vividly startled and pissed off a bit. He told me to fuck off upstairs and we never spoke about it again. I had to drink tap water from the bathroom upstairs.
EDIT.
I hope they don’t have the internet in the purgatory. I was certain this comment would go unnoticed.
15. He found out incest wasn’t ~that~ uncommon
When I was 14 or so one of my cousins (from mums side of the family) came with us to my grandparents (dads side of the family) for Christmas Day, we were staying there the night with my entire extended family – which is a nightmare in itself.
My dads brother, after drinking all day and after finding out my cousin and I will be sharing a bed in the back of the 4WD, comes up to me and says really slyly “you and your little girlfriend are sharing a bed huh?!” I inform him that she is my cousin and he just looks blankly at me and says “that’s ok, my first time was with my cousin.”
I hadn’t mentioned this to anyone because it was weird and made me a little uncomfortable, but my cousin got married two weeks ago. At the reception I told my dad about what his brother had said to me some 15 years ago. My dad just looked at me and says “yeah, we both had our first times with Shelley.”
My family is a bunch of cousin fuckers. Ugh. **
16. His stepsister paid him to take off his clothes
I let my stepsister and her friends see me naked when I was younger for $5. Seeing the other gender nude wasn’t a mouse click away…it was hard work and you wondered about things. And $5? That’s when you could get stuff done for $5.00. That was a couple packs of baseball cards, a slice of pizza with a soda and several games of Donkey Kong or Asteroids Deluxe at the pizza place down the street from my house.
— kwyjibo8
17. This aunt decided to get a little too real at the family dinner
My uncles new wife was meeting the family for the first time and after a glass of wine she asks if she can be herself, everyone said yes then she asked my then 71 year old grandpa if he sit at home watching porn and jacking off all day
Edit: this was our first time having her at a family function we had met her in passing at their wedding(i know its weird) so no one really knew anything about her, we found out sometime later she had started a brawl at her own wedding after we had departed and my family is no longer welcome at American Legion
18. Three generations of his girlfriend’s family saw his dick
19. He kissed his cousin
Shared a kiss with my cousin. She kissed me and it held for 1-2 seconds because both of us were drunk and I didn’t want to be rough to just shove her away. Lets just say, she had a crazy patch in her life.
— shinarit
20. She gave her brother’s friend a blowjob
My brother walked in on me giving his friend a blowjob, which resulted in lots of drama.
21. They found a picture of dad in lingerie
Found a picture of my dad wearing lingerie. Not in a ‘I enjoy wearing it at home by myself’ kind of way, but in a ‘I was forced to by my mates during a piss up’ kind of way. Hilarious with a hint of mental scarring because ew.
22. He didn’t know she was his cousin until it was too late
My sister hooked me and my cousin up without telling me she was my cousin, she wanted to watch us make out I had no idea she was finding it funny as a prank, she decides to let it go on the entire time we’re over at my uncles place. The issue is that we hooked up multiple times and had sex, my sister finally told me when we got back home laughing at me, I called my cousin to see if she knew about this and she said she did.
TIFU by having sex with my cousin without knowing she was my cousin.
-just like all tifu it didn’t happen today but years ago
