Aries 

(March 21st – April 19th)

Boy Crazy Taylor

You’re literally the Taylor Swift from Blank Space that kidnaps men and forces them to date her. Oh, they don’t love you back? Bitch, they better learn to. You’re in a constant cycle of breaking up and making up, and once one relationship crashes and burns, you’re not quick to let go. You may be a hopeless romantic, but you’re not the kind of girl to cross — there’s a reason they say you’re insane. But don’t worry, you’ll eventually move on to the next one.

Taurus

(April 20th – May 20th)

Money Hungry Taylor

Face it, you like the finer things in life. You crave comfort, luxury, and just the right amount of cash to get you want you want. I mean, why else would you take all your songs off Spotify for years, right? Right?!?! Let’s just say that if it were up to you, you’d spend every day bathing in a tub full of jewels and counting every penny you own.

Gemini

(May 21st – June 20th)

Taylor the Snake

By now, it’s no surprise to anyone you’re a little two-faced. You’ll be someone’s best friend one minute and their worst enemy the next. Your relationship with people is a lot like Taylor’s relationship with Kanye — they were enemies, then friends, then enemies again. You’re not afraid to do what you have to to get the upper hand (and the publicity that goes with it). No wonder Kim K. hates you so much (and likes to subtweet about you using lots of snake emojis).

Cancer

(June 21st – July 22nd)

Cat Lady Taylor

You are just so cutesy and pure and wholesome. You like big sweaters, tea, and lots and lots of cats. Maybe more than men. Probably more than men. Seriously, they’re all over your Insta and Snaps and you’d much rather spend the day cuddling with them inside than going out and dealing with the outside world and its non-cat people. Some people might think you’re a little crazy, but don’t let them get you down. It’s all love, happiness, and sweaters with cats knitted onto them.

Leo 

(July 23rd – August 22nd)

Drama Queen Taylor

Face it — you love the drama and the attention that comes with it. All that Kanye shit? It fuels you. That Katy Perry beef? Please, you need a round two. You make music videos like “Bad Blood” just to keep the flames going and then act personally victimized when someone calls you out on it. Hey, it may not be the best reputation in the world, but it keeps you in the spotlight, and that’s where you want to stay.

Virgo

(August 23rd – September 22nd)

Sweet, Teardrops On My Guitar-era Taylor

Some people have already forgot about you, but not me. You’re cute and can play guitar and manage to get your hair to curl in ways most people can only imagine being able to do. Also, you have a tendency to wear fairytale dresses like an actual princess. You’ve got this weird country vibe going on, but mostly we just love you because you remind us of what it’s like to experience everything for the first time — love, heartache, whatever it may be. You’re a little green, but you’re definitely one to improve with time.

Libra

(September 23rd – October 22nd)

“Girl Next Door” Taylor

You’re just the cute, nerdy neighbor who totally isn’t like the other girls. Sure, you may not be pretty or popular, but you make up for it in heart, brains, and presumably some sort of personality. It just isn’t fair that your lifetime crush ends up with the terrible Queen Bee, and you’re going to be sure to remind everyone of that constantly. You’re the kind of girl to spend your entire evening peering into your hot neighbor’s window, daydreaming about when you’ll be together and quickly pretending you’re just casually reading a book every time he catches you.

Scorpio

(October 23rd – November 21st)

The New Taylor

You’re dark and tend to make people a little uncomfortable. Congrats! You’re the new Taylor Swift. You’re not about playing games or pretending to be something you’re not. You’re ready for the world to see you for exactly who you are inside, even if that means releasing a three-minute-and-30-second revenge track, returning as a zombie in your newest video, and creating an entire album deconstructing the reputation you’ve been building your entire life. You’re probably going to make it to the top of the charts, and you don’t plan on going anywhere.

Sagittarius 

(November 22nd – December 21st)

“I’d Very Much Like To Be Excluded From This Narrative” Taylor

We get it, you’re over people’s bullshit. You’re tired of being pulled into drama you never asked for and you’d really rather people just leave you alone. It’s possible you may have fed into it a little bit, but now that things are heating up and everyone’s looking at you for the next move, you’re over it. People keep trying to put you down, but you just want to live your life and be your authentic self. Can we all just move on now? (Answer: probably not.)

Capricorn

(December 22nd – January 19th)

Squad Leader Swift

You aren’t just part of the squad — you own the squad. You’re a natural networker, and because of it you’ve formed a tight-knit group of loyal followers who are sure to post fire selfies with you so everyone knows they follow you and you alone. You throw legendary parties and manage to form alliances with only the best of the best, giving you the extra street cred you need. Some people accuse you of doing this for your own gain, but hey, whatever.

Aquarius

(January 20th – February 18th)

Songwriter Swift

You’re the version of Taylor that presumably locks herself in her room all day strumming on her guitar and penning lyrics. You’ve got a deep-seated need to express yourself, and when we say express yourself, we mean express every single tiny aspect of your life. That dude who broke your heart? He’s got a full chorus in your next song, and you’re not afraid to sing it in front of him at Open Mic Night, staring him straight in the eye the entire time. If something happens to you, the whole world will inevitably know about it by the time you drop your next album.

Pisces

(February 19th – March 20th)

The Victim™

Let me guess: you feel victimized just getting this answer, don’t you? But Pisces is known for playing the martyr, so you can’t really be that surprised. You come off as cute and sweet and innocent, but you’re definitely not afraid to play those cards to help you get the upper hand (and to keep your reputation squeaky clean — you care about how people see you). You act like the whole world is against you, and okay, fine, maybe it kind of is.