This Poet Tweeted Unpopular Literary Opinions And They’ll Make Every Book Lover Laugh Their Ass Off
When a poet takes over a bookstore’s Twitter, you’d expect something beautiful, no? Well, when Patricia Lockwood took over Strand Bookstore’s account for an hour, it certainly was beautiful, but not in the way you’d expect.
I'm hijacking the @strandbookstore twitter from 12:30-1:30 to tweet my unpopular book opinions. you can also ask me questions at that time!
— Patricia Lockwood (@TriciaLockwood) June 6, 2017
That’s right — Lockwood basically spent the whole hour just tweeting unpopular opinions, and they were honestly hilarious (and a little out there).
huck finn's little pants … should have been even shorter, baby!!! #UnpopularBookOpinions
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
anna karenina: you need to calm down
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
hamlet just needed a better haircut
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
Did I mention that these tweets are ~ out there ~?
gatsby was a furry
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
mr. darcy died because his hat was too tall
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
Seriously, it just gets WEIRDER.
dracula's d*ck had a tiny bat hanging from the tip at all times and it flew into the woman at the moment of climax
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
moby dick was a WOMAN and his breasts were two goldfish bowls with little goldfish swimming in them
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
I'm GLAD that beth died. she got to go to heaven, which is where you can have sex with pianos
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
raskolnikov was a bunch of rats in a coat
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
She even took a jab at a few famous authors, as we’re all wont to do.
note to flannery o'connor: most people are just regular
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
instead of writing infinite jest, DFW should have written an entire novel about the chicken that traumatically pecked him as a child
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
People were understandably confused by the bookstore’s sudden outburst of interesting (and inappropriate) opinions.
Is @strandbookstore okay right now?
— Lexorcist 👻 (@lexvranick) June 6, 2017
https://twitter.com/Sena_Haas/status/872432850452328448
What the actual fuck
— Alex 🐝🐝 (@TheKatamariKid) June 7, 2017
Lockwood didn’t let the haters get her down, though, and left us with this gem:
I will end my reign of terror by retweeting the best book tweet of all time
— Strand Book Store (@strandbookstore) June 6, 2017
https://twitter.com/Bro_Pair/status/367406154529243136
If high school students don’t use these tweets to help them write their literary analyses, I’m going to be furious. 
