Caity Mae

Sometimes, having a roommate is wonderful. Other times, they makes you legitimately question whether or not you are capable of murder.

I take a deep breath, I see my goal, and, slowly, carefully, I pull the trigger.

If aliens are analyzing mankind, their first response upon seeing any Internet comment section would be, “Oh my god, we’ve got to kill these things!”

Every now and then, life throws you a thong that you can wear all day without wanting to rip it off and fashion it into a noose to hang yourself.

I once sat in my car for twenty minutes because I thought a piece of hose on the ground outside was a snake and I was too scared to get out of my vehicle.

18. I need a new profile pic.