10 Epic Romance Fails Committed By Men I’ve Dated

1. “Your lips look like the Coor’s Light Mountains.”

Ummm… I guess that’s romantic? It’s possible that you just really love beer.

2. “I kind of just thought you’d be fun to fuck, but then I realized how funny and cool you are and now I want to take this relationship more seriously.”

Admission of just wanting me for sex is not the best way to make me want to be your girl.

3. “It feels so good being inside you, you little 20-year-old baby.”

And that is why dating an older man can be creepy.

4. “Mr. Hyde is about to come out of his cage, baby.”

Please, never say that shit ever again.

5. “I love the way your thighs jiggle when we fuck.”

Gee, thanks.

6. “I’m pretty possessive, I think men should be dominant. I’m just looking for a girl who can handle that I’m the man in charge.”

Nope. Nope. Nope.

7. “Are you my dirty little cum-drinker?”

Uh… What? Don’t get me wrong, I like dirty talk. But, cum-drinker? What the hell, dude?

8. “I think it’s so sexy that you love Disney movies. It’s like you’re a little girl.”

Excuse me? Did you just say that you find me sexy because I remind you of a little girl?

9. “I would love to come home to you tied up on the futon in the basement.”

Saying you want to tie me up? Hot. Saying you want to find me tied up in your basement? Creepy as fuck.

10. “I think about you when I’m in bed with my wife. Do you want to get coffee after work sometime?”

Worst. Pickup. Ever.