13 People On What Happened When They Stopped Being Sexually Attracted To Their Partner

1.“I jerk off to our wedding/honeymoon sex tapes.”

2. “I lived with a man years ago and this happened to me. Initially I was attracted to him, not because of his looks, but because of his personality and how loving he seemed. From the start I didn’t like his body because of weight gain, then loss and no working out. He was soft and flabby, but I liked his personality so I looked past it. Also, I’m a runner and very fit.

I dealt with intimacy by not making it all about the visual attraction, but how I was feeling physically. We had great sex and I always had incredible orgasms, so that was my focus. Also, I loved the way he reacted to me so it made me want to drive him wild. That relationship taught me that I can have great sex with someone I wouldn’t normally consider my type. Also, I know this sounds awful and maybe is awful, but I preferred sex with the lights out. It made it easier to forget. And I never wanted him to know what I thought of him physically because that would have hurt him. Even after being the worst break up I’ve ever had, I still never told him.

Fast forward a while and he moved in with me. Within a month he was accusing my son of smoking pot in the house and showed me proof by insisting he found a bud in my son’s room. I knew it was his pot because what he didn’t know was that very day I had scrubbed my son’s entire room, walls , floors, all surfaces and even moved the furniture. And I’m a machine when it comes to cleaning and didn’t miss a thing. I knew he was lying and he was insisting I kick my son out because it threatens his visitation with his daughter. It wasn’t my son’s pot, I knew for a fact it wasn’t. And my son didn’t come home that day so he couldn’t have dropped it after I cleaned.

Next week he blames my son for stealing an old shitty bottle opener his grandpa gave him. I found it in one of his bags. My son had never even seen it. And then he stepped up attacks on my son. That caused me to see his true colors and that killed my ability to look past his physical flaws. I still loved him, but I found him physically revolting and could no longer even kiss him, much less have sex with him. I asked him to move out and his true psycho evil appeared. Holy fuck, took me months to get him out.

Also, I think part of my 180 has to do with being a foster kid. I swore to myself I’d never ever let anything come between me and my kids and I kept that promise. That sack of shit thought I loved him more than my son. Bitch please.”

3.“I lost attraction to my wife and it came back about 10 years later. You just need to wait for the right sexual perversion to develop in your mind.”

4. “Intimacy is so much more than sex. It’s dinners, cuddling, spending true quality time together. It’s talking on the back porch while the dogs play outside. It’s reading to each other at night before bed. It’s starting new shows to enjoy together and refraining from binge-watching when you’re alone…even though you want to.

It doesn’t have to be sex. Sex is important, yes. But if your relationship is only about that, you’ll never last anyway. No couple has the same sex drive forever and a lot of times, they’ll fall out of sync for whatever reason.

It’s about listening to your partner and doing your best to be honest with them about what you’re able to do for those needs and understanding that sometimes, that means sacrifice for you.”

5.“I’m not a very sexual person, and because of that I don’t think I feel sexually attracted by looks. My boyfriend however, is very sexual, so this has been a struggle since the beginning. We’ve been together for 9 years. For me, is about to make an effort on starting the thing, I have no problem on doing it when ever he wants if he starts it, but after a long day, I’m to tired to start anything sexual. I also try to give him oral with fair frequence, although obviously he would like to get more. In the last few months, the sex was particularly low (he had a lot of work), it was so low that it was to little even for me, so I talked to him. He told me he was tired and also he was starting to understeand that I wasn’t very sexual and he couldn’t change that.

I like sex, but I don’t need it, I like to do it when I’m in the mood, I don’t care if it’s been 2 weeks since the last time, I don’t want to do it if I don’t feel like. About the attraction, I don’t feel specially attracted to him physically, I get aroused while kissing him, touching him, or maybe just randomly feel it.

What I like him is beyond looks, so even when we first had sex, what aroused me was the love I felt for him. So I guess right now I don’t feel physically attracted to him, but sexually, yes.

Also, I’ve never had sex with someone because of his looks, I can’t imagine the idea of feeling horny just because a man is hot.”

6.“I’ve always had a very high sex drive, but my wife has not, so I got fairly used to getting by on my own over the years. As I approach my 41st birthday I still have a fairly strong libido, but I do not find my wife sexually attractive anymore. In all fairness, she’s probably not that turned on by middle-aged bod anymore either.

I still love her. I still think she’s beautiful. But none of that is tied up with sexual lust or desire. At this point she’s just my partner in life. We are there to build memories and help each other along the road.

Somewhere along the way sex morphed into us just giving each other oral every once and awhile. And it’s not a bad arrangement really. She always had difficulty in achieving orgasm through vaginal penetration alone, but she responds very well to a mixture of digital and lingual stimulation. And I’m a guy so I have absolutely zero problems with blowjobs. This has ended up being beneficial in a couple of different ways. Firstly, it frees us up from the worry of competing orgasms. I don’t have to think about hockey until she catches up, nor do I have to take a pill to keep going after I cum in order to finish for her. With mutual oral, whenever one of us is pleasing the other then for that brief time sex becomes all about them. I can focus solely on her need and she can focus solely on mine. Secondly, we no longer have to worry about active birth control. And finally, it takes a lot of pressure off of intimacy in that we no longer have to worry about “being in the mood.” With our arrangement, we can stagger the exchange to serve each other’s personal timetable of arousal.

Were I a much younger man, the loss of sexual attraction would have probably bothered me a lot more. But my time in the sun has almost passed. It’s not that I expect to die tomorrow (who does) but I’ve had my children, so my genetic imperative has been met. Sex has truly become a secondary concern to me. It’s fun. I enjoy getting off. But it’s not the end all be all like it used to be.”

7. “Confession time: I’ve never been sexually attracted to my spouse.

I’ll never forget when I figured out that my life partner was THE ONE, feeling “Well that’s not at all how I pictured things going.” I.e not my type physically or lookswise.

The funniest , sweetest, modest, most honest and good person I’ve ever met loves me. My parents had always said marry your best friend. Looks fade. Love and friendship last. So I did. 20 years later now we’re doing pretty great. Big family, awesome friends, nice home, good kids and successful career.

However, having never been physically attracted to him. (he’s not typically handsome, balding, 30 lbs overweight, but works out a lot) I’ve always managed to get in the mood and we have more sex than any couple we know. I’m not always in the mood, but rarely say no. I realize this sounds arrogant, but some less than tactful friends say he married up. I disagree bc he’s so awesome, but they implied we aren’t evenly matched as a pair based on some imaginary shallow balance of looks scale.

The only thing I regret is not getting to have that “oh my God you’re so hot lets tear each other’s clothes off and let me lick you all over” passion that comes with sexual attraction that combined with love must be mind blowing.

I try and compliment him regularly on things i do find attractive about him or when he makes an effort to look really sharp. But I feel I missed out on a really tingly fun part of life but he’s so worth it. I can still fantasize. I feel so guilty for ever thinking this way and I would be devastated if he ever even had a thought I might think this shallow like, so this is a throw away acct just to get this off my chest.

He’s great in the sack and we’ve learned a lot together both of us not having had a lot of experience beforehand. I think that’s how everyone should deal with this. Talk it out. Watch naughty things together for ideas. Get toys. It can still be very fulfilling.”

8.“I was never really physically attracted to my ex-boyfriend. When we first met, I remember thinking that he was ugly. But he showered me with attention and proved himself to be a good guy. We got together and everything was going fine. When he lost his physically demanding job, he started packing on pounds. He went from fit to flabby and then to outright overweight.

That was hard to deal with, but he was still great at sex. I’m not very affectionate, so maybe it helped that we rarely cuddled. I just remember time passing and eventually I got used to his overall change and stopped noticing it. He was still a great guy. He made me laugh. It felt like we were a team. I didn’t really see his physical appearance, I just saw him for who he was.”

9.“We have sex about 1-2 times a week, which is a compromise between the 5-7 days a week he’d like and the 1-2 times a month I’d like. There’s a lot of quickie sex/blowjobs, and when my husband wants me to orgasm I’ll fantasize about something or tell him I’m not feeling it that day. I end up having a lot of sex I’m not interested in, and it’s not the most awesome thing ever.”

10.“I please her. I married the person, not the body.”

11.“Moved in with my boyfriend of 5 years about a year ago. My sex drive is much higher than his so we rarely have a go at it. Once a week if that. He doesn’t kiss me anymore which really bothers me as he used to all of the time. Not sure if that is normal.

Also, he jerks it every morning by himself. I think he just might not be physically attracted to me anymore. It can be pretty painful sometimes. Like I physically feel my heart breaking.”

12.“The guy I fuck turns the lights off – fine with me, I’m confident as hell in the dark. I do the shit I want to do and he imagines someone else doing it – we both win.”

13. “Lights off, lots of cunnilingus, we use blindfolds and restraints, with the lights off she doesn’t notice me closing my eyes (going to the bank).”