Concrete Ways To Leave Behind The Love That Broke You (& Learn To Let The Right One In)

Updated 3 days ago, September 23, 2025

Heartbreak is a hard thing, but it’s not a forever thing, and you will experience a disproportionate amount of it when you’re young—though of course, it can hit us just as hard at any phase of life.

To try and grapple with the heaviness of heartbreak, international best-selling author of The Pivot Year, Brianna Wiest, shares eight concrete steps to leaving old loves in the past and welcoming new love in. Let’s dive into her advice…

So, how do you “let go” when you can’t stop thinking about someone?

In the wake of your breakup, everyone around you is going to be counseling you to just “let go” of the past, move on, and start anew. They’ll tell you to go out drinking, start dating, and revel in your newfound freedom. This will be annoying at best, and absolutely maddening at worst. There’s nothing more frustrating than someone who seems to believe that a shot of tequila and a random Saturday hookup will be a salve for the life-shattering heartbreak you’re experiencing right now.

The future as you thought it would be has changed. The present as you’re used to it has, too. You do not need any more uncertainties right now. You do not need to try to force yourself into a new life when you’re already panicked about what’s going to happen next.

The harder you try to “let go” and “move on,” the more your brain is going to latch onto reasons why you should think about it more, try again, or keep hoping.

The thing about “letting go” is that it’s less an active choice as it is accepting that something is already gone. It’s not really that you actually dismiss someone from your life, it’s that you come to terms with the fact that they are already gone. In that, you can find a semblance of peace: you aren’t toying with whether or not you should unclasp your hand and release something, you only have to realize that you are already living without this person. They are already gone. You have, essentially, already let go.

You have the rest of your life to be in love. You have right now to change yourself.
Brianna Wiest

People feel uncertainty because it’s the unknown. But uncertainty is also an incredible blessing, because it means that for the first time, you are detached from what happened in the past and what you think you want to happen in the future. When you are uncertain, you are open to making choices that otherwise wouldn’t have been possible, because you were too comfortable with what you were used to. Uncertainty is a breeding ground for life’s greatest moments and most epic possibilities.

Most people hang onto what they’ve known and what they think they want because they are too afraid of feeling the discomfort of not knowing. People who are willing to brave that tension are the ones who truly free themselves.

But in case you’re still struggling, here are some ground rules for letting go and moving on from a relationship:

1. Go no-contact.

Follow a no-contact policy, unless the relationship wasn’t that serious and you’re comfortable being friends again. Exes don’t hang out alone, go out for drinks, or talk to each other regularly… and they certainly don’t hook up.

2. Vent in private to someone you trust.

Find a trustworthy friend to whom you can vent, and do so privately.

3. Unfriend, block, hide their profile.

If you can’t help but feel the urge to check in on them, to view their photos or to see what they’re doing online, unfriend or block them. If you feel bad doing that, explain kindly that it’s a step for you to gain closure and to help you move on, and that you wish them well.

4. Switch up your routine.

You cannot hang out with the same people, visit the same places, and otherwise continue to circle in orbit around them and not expect to miss them every minute of the day. When you go through a breakup, your whole life changes… that’s the magic of it.

5. Don’t do anything permanent.

Don’t do anything you cannot undo in a matter of days.

6. Consider casually dating again.

After you’ve taken some time for yourself, consider getting back in the game. No, it’s not fair to enter a new relationship hung up on someone else. But if you are never really going to forget your old relationship until you have a new one to take its place and remind you that everything happens for a reason.

7. Write down everything that you wanted and needed this person to be for you.

Most likely, you’re scared because without them, your future could be lonely, financially harder, or you might just feel like a total screw up. Those are all issues that you need to work on mending for yourself. A relationship is not a Band-Aid. Treating it like one is what landed you with the wrong person in the first place.