Brian Donovan

Here we are. Gymming it up! Really gonna go after it today.

I’ve been in love with the Food Network for a long time. After college, my favorite thing to do after work was to watch Emeril cook something amazing while I sat in front of the TV eating something decidedly unamazing.

It’s everywhere. In your stupid folded paper magazines, and your nonsensical Pinterest picture board, and on your Rachael Ray television programs, which might be a joke about how bad television programs can be, or might be an actual show.

What’s it gonna be this week? I mean, we’ve had pretty much every permutation, right? We’ve had gays pretending to be straights, guys pretending to be girls, girls pretending to be guys, transgendered pretending to be origi-gendered, and of course lots and lots of fats pretending to be skinnies. That’s a pretty big one for Catfish.

3. Skylar Turns Walter In, Marries John Stamos.

Essentially, the Cinnabon is the Death Star of breakfast pastries.

Taboo: Love the game, hate the buzzer.

Truth be told, I’m not entirely convinced Henry is on-board for the nuptials, as our relationship is mercurial at best.

My new television comes with Twitter. I have no idea why.

Let’s go over the rules one more time. #1: We’re not spending over $5.

1. Yell “So, Who Else Heard that Hot Tubs Are a Breeding Ground For Infection?”

Mudslides taste so good that we are willing to drink them even though they’re named after a MUDSLIDE.

When I want to get a little naughty, I turn to the naughtiest place of all: MSNBC, weeknights at 9pm.

Be the Annoying Seat Swapper

Your Cat Licking Your Face Immediately After It Eats Gross Food

Weight Watchers likes to say that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels. Which I guess means they’ve never tasted Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

There’s No Such Thing as Too Much Toilet Paper.

Home-Cooked Anything.