Brandon Scott Gorrell

He or she gets a phone call from a friend and they proceed to have a conversation about someone’s cat or the date one of them just went on or what he or she got shopping that day while you sit there and mock interest in some old text messages on your cell phone.

On Christmas Day, Simone Back, age 42, posted the Facebook status update “Took all my pills be dead soon bye bye everyone.” That update sparked a 148-comment thread about one of her previous relationships in which many called her a liar and that she “OD’d all the time.” She had over 1,000 Facebook friends.

You know how you taught me that I was “special?” That I could do anything if I could put my mind to it? That I had something inside of me that made me superior to everyone? That it was my destiny to rise to the top of a modern tribe, my calling to be the best [something] in [field]? Is all that stuff actually true or is it just cultural dogma?

This homeless dude is freaking amazing, and he’s looking for work. The four million pageviews his YouTube video’s garnered should help him out a bit. Now all he has to do is chill on the side of the on-ramp and wait for the record deal. Watch him talk like the coolest radio personality ever after the jump.

And it was 100 miles away from where 5,000 dead birds fell out of the sky on New Year’s Eve! What the hell?

I wish I wouldn’t be the type of person that lets one (self-perceived) embarrassing or unseemly situation fester and eventually create a large gap between myself and a friend and never again attempt to bridge that gap until it is somewhat forgotten about, then just hope we avoid referring to it the next time we hang out.

If you’re honest with yourself, you must then grudgingly accept this new identity with embarrassment, shame, etc., and proceed to look down upon the person with whom you’re on the date (and vice versa), because you both are now in the same club (“those that internet date”), and that club is a club with which it is shameful to be associated.

What’s especially inefficient is when you stop for me on a busy two-lane road and I have to begin walking in front of you, only to realize that I have to wait for a number of cars going the other direction to pass. This situation can not by its nature have a positive outcome.

Be a freelancer. Because working for yourself is the American/Global Dream. In today’s economy, though, be advised that what freelancing actually means is a) abusing food stamps, unemployment and food banks, b) being a barista, c) accepting the money your parents offer and d) having one (two if you’re lucky) client(s) that result in about 15% of (what you tell others is) your monthly income.

A Russian man confuses real life for GTA in a drunken rampage, another Russian bashes a third, possibly depressed, unflinching Russian in the head with a shovel, then awkwardly sits down next to him and stares, and a fourth Russian wearing a ‘bungee’ (read: rope) gets pushed off a giant bridge by her ‘friends.’ Videos inside.

An intern at Facebook created a map of the world defined not by geographical features or geopolitical boundaries, but by Facebook friendships. Russia and Central/North Africa don’t really exist. Map after the jump.

In the summer of 1960, Joe Kittinger took a helium balloon into the Earth’s atmosphere. Once he reached the 102,000 feet (around 20 miles), he jumped. He freefell for over four minutes. Video inside.