Brandon Scott Gorrell

If you’re honest with yourself, you must then grudgingly accept this new identity with embarrassment, shame, etc., and proceed to look down upon the person with whom you’re on the date (and vice versa), because you both are now in the same club (“those that internet date”), and that club is a club with which it is shameful to be associated.

What’s especially inefficient is when you stop for me on a busy two-lane road and I have to begin walking in front of you, only to realize that I have to wait for a number of cars going the other direction to pass. This situation can not by its nature have a positive outcome.

Be a freelancer. Because working for yourself is the American/Global Dream. In today’s economy, though, be advised that what freelancing actually means is a) abusing food stamps, unemployment and food banks, b) being a barista, c) accepting the money your parents offer and d) having one (two if you’re lucky) client(s) that result in about 15% of (what you tell others is) your monthly income.

A Russian man confuses real life for GTA in a drunken rampage, another Russian bashes a third, possibly depressed, unflinching Russian in the head with a shovel, then awkwardly sits down next to him and stares, and a fourth Russian wearing a ‘bungee’ (read: rope) gets pushed off a giant bridge by her ‘friends.’ Videos inside.

An intern at Facebook created a map of the world defined not by geographical features or geopolitical boundaries, but by Facebook friendships. Russia and Central/North Africa don’t really exist. Map after the jump.

In the summer of 1960, Joe Kittinger took a helium balloon into the Earth’s atmosphere. Once he reached the 102,000 feet (around 20 miles), he jumped. He freefell for over four minutes. Video inside.

Yeah. I dunno. Are they on drugs? Why are they doing this? One time I saw some homeless people having sex in the parking lot of a condemned apartment in Seattle, but they just didn’t have any place to go. This is sort of uncanny.

“The unjust restrictions you impose on us will meet with disaster and only strengthen our resolve to disobey… Such actions taken against you and those you outsource your malignant litigation to are inevitable and unavoidable and unstoppable. We are Anonymous. We are legion divided by zero. We do not forgive internet censorship and we do not forget free speech,” Anon’s synthetic voice warns. Video inside.

“…the way you get his sperm is by having someone get into the pool and masturbate him with a cow’s vagina filled with hot water. Even during my wildest days at Motley Crue, I never could’ve imagined something so sick and twisted.” Read Tommy Lee’s full letter to Sea World inside.

A Brazilian alligator fails pretty hard when it attempts to dine on this electric eel. According YouTube comments, the eel survives. Alligator definitely doesn’t. Video inside.

“I’ve got a yellow spider, I get everybody says they haven’t seen one yet, I got it trapped in a bottle, a jar, with sealing wax over. But you know how spiders are, y’know, they’re kinda tricky motherfuckers. Excuse my language. Plus I have an organic substance that came out of the sky, if you’re interested in helping me out to try to extract ’em…”

A study like this was long overdue. Spoiler alert: New Orleans is number one. Maybe because there are so many… black guys?

I don’t use public showers i.e. in gyms or swimming pools that require a membership and prefer not to piss openly in front of others (actually I can’t) so any penis ‘flashing’ my friends might have been subject to has been merely coincidental and unintentional and left unmentioned.

Not really sure what there is to be said in this kind of situation. I feel baffled. Guess this is like the ‘spoken word’ of rural Illinois? Watch the uncanny video of the 2010 Illinois State Fair Hog Calling Contest after the jump.

Stampedes in malls and consumers fiercely defending a cardboard-packaged-whatever at Walmart is trashy as a general rule, but footage in this video montage of Black Friday sale-stampeding takes the cake. Watch it inside.

It’s called the Super Live Toy Drive, a “time for sharing, caring, and getting drunk as fuck and blew out.” Why the uncharacteristic Juggalo display of love for children? Because “the kids want shit. They want mad shit. They want shit like extra expensive super Wiis, and nuclear nerf guns.” Watch the video inside.

In this early interview with the Cleveland local news, Nine Inch Nails frontman Trent Reznor offers some thoughts about the cool new electronic music his band “Exotic Birds” is making. Obviously this was before he discovered The Cure and emptiness of life. Vintage video after the jump.

Someone evidently went through the trash at an airport security area and is selling the discarded rubber gloves TSA employees now use to ‘grope’ passengers on Ebay. Why does this make me feel depressed?