Brandon Scott Gorrell

Here’s a good one for you. Can’t necessarily put my finger on why I think this photo of a mom-like individual unabashedly snapping a teary-eyed self-portrait cell phone shot of her face while President Obama embraces her is so funny and, ultimately, troubling.

Whatever the case, if you’re introverted, people just sort of grant you intelligence before you’ve hardly said a word. They’ll look you in the eye, raise an eyebrow and say “You’re one of those smart people, aren’t you? Got a lot going on in your head, huh,” and shake their head in a sort of respect for the concept of human intelligence; in a sort of disbelief, or something.

Here shown is baby Jonah experiencing perhaps his first moment of heavy metal induced euphoria-leading-to-aggressive-headbanging to a song called “F*cking Hostile” by Pantera. As one redditor pointed out, it’s worth noting that adults who rock out to heavy metal look, basically, exactly the same as this baby, which may or may not say something about heavy metal and its fans.

“Existential awareness” will denote a certain, conscious recognition characterized by a) consistently reminding oneself of the impermanence of oneself, others, and matter, b) the belief that cause and effect and the laws of physics govern reality, c) God and other supernatural beings are myth, and d) the universe does not actively “prefer” or “decide,” rather, it “unravels.”

WTF. Shouldn’t this money be tied up in investments or something? Apparently, Dealbreaker stumbled upon this viral piece of gold in East Hampton, proving that, as NYMag had to say, the people in East Hampton are as rich as everyone secretly guesses they are.

Yesterday I wrote about the things that I regret about college. Today, I’ve written about five things I don’t regret.

BIG NEWS. The answer to the age-old riddle “How many elite Catholics does it take to tweet?” has finally been solved today! The answer: seven, and a videographer. Yep, you heard right – the Vatican has confirmed that Pope Benedict Something Something tweeted for the first time ever today!

Hindsight is 20/20, and while I can’t completely regret anything I’ve done because I’m relatively satisfied with who and where I am – if I’m realistic about it – I might choose do some things over in my life knowing what I know now, if I could. For example, some decisions I made in college. Here are five.

Gay marriage was passed in New York last night, 33 – 29 on the Senate floor. New York is now the largest state to pass gay marriage, doubling the amount of gay Americans who are legally allowed to marry. Hooray!

Meanwhile, in Russia, after being wrongfully declared dead by doctors for a suspected heart attack, 49-year-old woman Fagilyu Mukhametzyanov woke up mid-funeral and then died, for good, from heart failure most likely the consequence of shock related to “hearing people pray for her soul.” But not before she started screaming.

Here’s a strange one for you: a sexually-charged, pun-laden montage of a television series that seems to be from the 80s, titled “COOKING WITH BEEFCAKE TOO!” Can’t tell if this is like, vintage softcore porn for women or an attempt to go viral by Everything is Terrible, but the jokes are actually pretty funny. “You’re getting me all wet!”/ [laughs] “I have that tendency.” Classic!

I’m not going to see the movie, though, except maybe later I will, when I’m, say, 40, and for some anomalous reason have subscribed to a cable television service and spend much of my depressed existence sideways on a couch, staring heavily into Lifetime programming, which is bound to eventually feature this, the MTV remake of the 80s seminal Kevin Bacon/ John Lithgow classic Footloose.