Brandon Scott Gorrell

In a baffling lack of oversight that incited a federal class-action lawsuit, a Minnesota school district allowed students to hold an unofficial Homecoming event called “Wigger Wednesday” at Red Wing High School in 2009.

A follow up to a flowchart called “So You Found Something Cool On The Internet,” here’s the flowchart of the internet argument – thought up by H. Caldwell Tanner and Rosscott Nover – that should effectively end all internet arguments, if anyone actually reads all the way through it.

When away from the internet, say at the grocery store or in line at Chipotle on your lunch break from an office job that requires you to be on the internet 8-10 hours a day, you actually experience these consistent twinges of visceral longing to check your email, kind of like if you checked it you’d feel normal again, or satiated in some way.

This video is so exciting. Here we have 90’s style Billy Corgan, Michael Jackson, Kurt Loder, Coolio (“If you ain’t on the information superhighway baby than where is it?”) Sandra Bullock, and more on “the worldwide computer network called the Internet,” as well as a younger Newt Gingrich…

In which the author imagines the hypothetical situation where he interviews someone for the position of his girlfriend, and the interview goes pretty well.

The funny quiet person has a really quirky, surprisingly clever sense of humor and quick wit and as such is that much more endearing. In fact the funny quiet person is perhaps the only type of quiet person that’s capable of being the center of attention while maintaining total conversational efficiency, e.g. Mitch Hedberg.

Anyway, women, the following is a guide for whether I would sleep with you, based on your clothes. Men, although I cannot presume you share my taste in women, the red flag clothes should be universal.

Almost all of us were dancing. I sort of just moved my legs around and ‘bopped’ my upper torso and head in time with the beat. In a sort of helpless manner – because I had no idea what else to do – I moved my arms around in what I honestly felt was an extremely dorky way.

Rational • Not Ugly • Emotionally Expressive • Not Insane • Logical • Somewhat Chivalrous • Well-Adjusted • Promising Career • Appropriately Well-read • Authentic • Keeps His Shit Together • Healthy • Healthy Social Life • Honest • Minimal Participation In TV/ Mass-Market Culture • Smart • Somewhat Endearing, Sometimes • Self-Aware • Socially Aware

Here’s a task for you: sit through all two minutes of the wet, sloppy, slow motion human-on-dog french kissing in this nasty video without vomiting on your keyboard. First person to do it gets to comment that they… did it. Ready… GO!

The Sun Unexpectedly Beginning To Rise After A Night Out – Accompanied By The Sound Of Birds – May Cause Unexplainable Feelings Of Doom, The Feeling That One’s Life Is Not Okay At All And Will Never, Ever Be Okay, And Intense Feelings That What One Has Done During His/Her Night Out Was “Bad.”

A “writer” is a novelist, a freelancer, a copywriter, a technical writer, a poet, a journalist, a blogger. A writer wrote the small print on the back of your Colgate and got paid an annual salary of $75,000 a year doing just that, and he’s been doing it for 20 years…