Brandon Scott Gorrell

Oh man, white girls, you crossed the line this time. I think some discretion should have been used here, because you may have just made yourselves into the next Rebecca Black, and it’s possible you’ve all just lost any position in your little fraternity/ sorority hierarchy your house may have had previous to the unveiling of this extremely embarrassing video.

Stalking exes. Besides famine, disease, miserable suffering, etc., there are few things in life as depressing as a bottle of whiskey, a dark room, and your ex’s Facebook profile. Just stop.

America sure is winning hard lately, isn’t it? Let me count the ways America is winning. Crazy Republicans, spineless Democrats, a tanking economy, rampant corruption, a terrible job market, widespread diabetes, corporate evil… I should stop before I get too upset over here. But not before adding one more: deep fried butter!

14-year-old Rebecca Black has reportedly dropped out of school due to excessive bullying about that one song she put out on the internet. Poor girl apparently couldn’t take the heat anymore.

Jaleel White of TGIF’s Family Matters/ “The Urkel Show” fame has re-emerged into public view in this not-half-bad new Cee Lo video for “Cry Baby.” Playing Cee Lo himself, White manages to make us forget his family-oriented past and actually see him through a non-Urkel lens, something that – as The Daily Beast pointed out – he’d been unable to do before.

Here’s a heartwarming slice of humanity for you. Last month, Mariachi Connecticut performed for a wedding at the Mystic Aquarium in Mystic, Connecticut. Afterward, they decided to serenade a beluga whale. No idea why exactly this occurred. Regardless, it’s super adorable!!

In no particular order, here are some tweets that might have been written by the main characters from the hit television show Seinfeld, if Twitter was around then.

A new report by the United States Department of Agriculture states that 46 million Americans received benefits from the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program in May of this year.

Remember when we covered the 90 square-foot Manhattan apartment that was going for $700 a month little while back? Here’s your newest future nervous breakdown – a 78 square-foot Manhattan mini-studio that rents for $800 a month.

Brunch with five people – your parents, your aunt, your grandfather and his friend from church – and for some reason you’ve ordered a Nova Scotia benedict: The sights and smells of the high fat, high carb piles of meat that show up on your table. The constant churning of your stomach. The knowledge that if any of the food in front of you even comes close to your mouth you’re going to lose it…

Here’s something to help you procrastinate through a couple minutes of your (hopefully) sunny Friday afternoon: a perfectly executed stop-motion short of an epic match between Street Fighter legends Ryu and Ken!

There’s a certain romance people both believe and attempt to pursue in their engagement of these activities (I think this is a completely reasonable goal, by the way) and I’m here today to discuss those that I think are most pervasive.