Brandon Scott Gorrell

What you tell yourself: I am going to do the laundry! What you do: It’s sunny outside! You can’t stay inside when it’s sunny outside. All responsibilities requiring you to be inside are automatically canceled.

Everyone drinks wine. People drink entire bottles of wine all the time. Jesus made wine and people said it was a miracle. There’s nothing wrong with drinking an entire bottle of wine. I mean, drinking a bottle of wine is acceptable. Remember those crazy Spanish people in The Sun Also Rises?

When around someone you consider challenging or in some way meaningfully superior, you do sometimes want to ask “Do you like me? You’re on my side, right?” But it would be completely obtuse to ever ask that outright; for all intents and purposes, you’d probably be considered a psychopath if you were to go around directly asking every acquaintance you admire if they like you…

I’ve tried to get the stylist to make my hair good — it never works. “Just, you know, well. I don’t know what I want,” I tell the stylist. “Feel free to experiment.” Hairstylists are artists and love to experiment, but for some reason, my approach never works.

Here are what I imagine we might see cats tweeting, if they could use Twitter.

Maybe he’s nervous that he’s going to say hi and it’ll go swimmingly for about 15 seconds before it just completely crashes and there’s suddenly nothing for him to say and nothing for her to say. Maybe he’s worried that after the crash he’ll says something really, really stupid like “So, uh, well it seems like we have nothing to talk about” or “Wow this silence is awkward!”

The central plot drivers of Terra Nova are the basic questions it’s probably going to toy around with: “Is humanity ultimately doomed to war, violence, and ecological destruction? Are we capable of learning from our mistakes? If given a second chance at redemption, what would humanity do with it?”

bahahah: You’re a male programmer with a pony tail who’s generally seen as weird/ creepy/ nerdy by your IRL peers and as either a “guru” or a tyrannical dick by your fellow elitist programmers in IRC. You may also employ “mwhahahah.”

There have been accusations of being like a robot, excessively inhibited, too under control. And despite the fact that you’re well-aware of (what you think is) the entire problem, as well as how it affects you, your relationships, and your Measure Of Success, you feel unable to do anything about it. You’re nervous this is what’s stopping you from being Truly Happy, but find yourself, in moments of truth, unable to ‘let go.’

People are endearing when they get together for the purpose of being close to each other. This is otherwise known as “hanging out.” While perhaps veiled by layers of attitude, irony, and persona, the true purpose of hanging out is to bond emotionally. For this the sheer level of hanging out in which people engage is innocent and right. It’s hard to not see it as endearing.

The meme weather system has once again brought us another piece of viral Adorable Old People In Front Of Webcam gold, this time in the form two seniors earnestly attempting to take a picture of themselves with their laptop.

Here are a few imagined past US presidents’ Twitter musings, had these men been privileged enough to experience the world of microblogging and oversharing culture in their time as presidents of the United States of America. Please forgive any historical innacuracies–this contributor was a psychology major.