Brandon Scott Gorrell

Posted yesterday, it’s already at over 500k views; highlights include “Could you turn it up a bit?,” “Um, could you turn it down a bit?,” and “Listen, listen, listen, listen, LISTEN.” We think it’s super funny and are totally looking forward to more of these episodes.

Recently realized certain aspects of what he thought was his identity were actually just uncontrollable delusions lacking any concrete behavior as evidence of their truth and significance.

Here’s a circa 1987 fashion show brought to you buy JC Penny and Dancin’ On Air, a program that ran from the early to late 80s, in which its ‘characters’ rode some extreme denim waves on a regular basis, among other adorable 80s things.

The cool people over at College Humor posted this gem of a sketch earlier this week. It rings a little close to home for a certain brand of Brooklynites, for whom brunch actually does seem weirdly holy.

Spaghetti with sauce of reduced organic heirloom tomatoes, onions, kale, and small pieces of sausage served with garlic bread. Cheesy, cheesy scrambled eggs mixed with sour cream. So cheesy.

It may or may not be obvious by now that this article is more self-analysis than cultural analysis, and if it’s valid cultural analysis, its ideas have probably been articulated much better a thousand times over by writers much more legit than me, probably ~10 years ago.

The Refrigerator Analyzer™ is a hand-held tablet that uses next-generation smart technology to analyze the contents of one’s refrigerator, level of hunger, and general state of emotions to suggest what possible meal — if any — could be produced from the contents of the user’s refrigerator…

Berserk mode (n.): A state of near-mania characterized by extremely loud typing, audible mumbling, uncontrollable laughing while Gmail chatting, frantic, cyclical clicking of open windows and browser tabs, and a general state of hyper-non-productivity while maintaining the belief that one is being totally productive.

The thing about our future Internet Crush will be that despite the fact that we’ll never really know them, we’ll assume they ‘get’ us and that they are beautiful and sexy and attractive and special. All the despite the cold fact that what this person really is is a collection of pictures and text — a storyboard, a narrative, a hologram, a fantasy.

Because Thursday was your Friday. And you’ve spent the first half of the day trying to recover from your hangover. It’s fine to spend the next half of your day acting like you’re working — getting the minimal amount done — then take off at 4:15 with blankets in mind. Your couch will be waiting for you.

“Oh — you need to go? Sure you don’t want to like, go back to my apartment and take off our clothes together? Just kidding! Haha. Got you. I was totally just kidding. All my friends know I joke around a lot. You’ll find that I joke around a lot. I’m a really funny guy once you get to know me.”

The ideal candidate will be intelligent, able to hold their own in conversation, and enthusiastic about his or her job while (seemingly) not knowing anything about it. Candidate need not worry about unwanted affection, as we will most likely never make a move — you should be too freaking vague and mysterious for us to ever get up the courage.