Logically Unsound Justifications For Drinking
Everyone drinks wine. People drink entire bottles of wine all the time. Jesus made wine and people said it was a miracle. There’s nothing wrong with drinking an entire bottle of wine. I mean, drinking a bottle of wine is acceptable. Remember those crazy Spanish people in The Sun Also Rises?
You didn’t drink yesterday.
As long as you don’t smoke cigarettes, you won’t have a hangover tomorrow. Just don’t smoke cigarettes and you’ll be fine.
You ‘made it through the day’ (read: you didn’t die today).
Bloody Marys! They’re their own justification.
You’re unemployed! Who gives a sh-t what happens tomorrow? One more day of your bed vacation will be totally fine.
It’s Friday!
It’s Saturday!
It’s brunch!
One glass of wine never hurt anyone. Or two glasses of wine. Three glasses of wine doesn’t mean anything other than that you like wine. Three glasses of wine is fine!
Tomorrow’s Friday!
Everyone drinks wine. People drink entire bottles of wine all the time. Jesus made wine and people said it was a miracle. There’s nothing wrong with drinking an entire bottle of wine. I mean, drinking a bottle of wine is acceptable. Remember those crazy Spanish people in The Sun Also Rises? That book was written in the 20s! That’s total proof that drinking an entire bottle of wine is acceptable.
Drinking half the amount of alcohol you normally do and then smoking pot is totally guilt-free and permissible on weeknights. I mean, it just makes sense.
Happy Hour! Not your fault it starts at 4.
There are sports on television.
You’re at the airport.
You’re on an airplane.
Well — if he’s buying. Can’t say ‘no’ to a free drink.
You studied all day, i.e., for perhaps the fifth time in your life, you exercised self-discipline for over two hours. Celebrate it with four to six hours of self-indulgence.
You need ‘help out’ on your first date. She’ll never know — just make sure she doesn’t smell it on your breath.
A beer at 2 p.m. doesn’t mean you’ve ‘started drinking’ at 2 p.m. It doesn’t mean that at all. In no way does it necessitate that you’ll have a cigarette on the way home and open another beer when you get inside. It definitely won’t lead to another beer and cigarette after that. And by that time it’ll be like 5 p.m., which is an acceptable time to ‘start’ drinking. So whatever. You’re fine. 
