New Startup Will Create And Manage Online Girlfriend for You

Ushering in a new era of self-denial and douchebaggery, a new web startup called Cloud Girlfriend promises its users a fake, virtual girlfriend who will ‘accompany’ them on Facebook, maybe Twitter, maybe… YouTube? Specifically, Cloud Girlfriend offers to:

Step 1: Define your perfect girlfriend. Step 2: We bring her into existence. Step 3: Connect and interact with her publicly on your favorite social network Step 4: Enjoy a public long distance relationship with your perfect girl.

And it appears as if a good amount of people are lining up to get into a virtual text/ photo based long distance relationship. “Due to high demand we are only able to accommodate a limited number of users to the site. Register early to get in line,” reads a red line of text at the top of Cloud Girlfriend’s landing page.

The success of such a service wouldn’t be without precedent. According to AOL, similar concepts have been positively received in Japan. But Japan also has, like, used-women’s-underwear vending machines. Or so I hear.

I can’t tell if Cloud Girlfriend is the next generation cam/call girl or what. Either way, I have a feeling this startup is gonna have some run-ins with Facebook, as Facebook isn’t really into fake profiles. And, uh, why would one pay for this service anyway? Haven’t all the guys who want the internet to think they have girlfriends already created fake profiles of #hotsluts? Hasn’t Cloud Girlfriend seen Catfish?

Perhaps it’s simple. Perhaps the site’s a scam – after all, its landing page doesn’t have Terms of Service, a Privacy Policy, or anything legit companies typically have to cover them on the legal end. Or, perhaps, using Cloud Girlfriend somehow minimizes the cognitive dissonance that invariably comes along with living a lie. Who knows?