Brad Pike

These bears are playing hockey in Russia for real, no CGI or costumes involved.

Tatiana Maslany once murdered a man by pretending she was a gun.

Why don’t you take a seat on my air mattress? I filled it to optimum capacity before you got here in case you wanted to sit on a soft object.

Cookie Gear Soft: The Phantom Cookie

Because of pesticides in the soil, rice contains huge quantities of inorganic arsenic, especially brown rice because the residues concentrate in the outer shell of the grain.

“Dear” is trite and formal, but you also don’t want to immediately frighten her off with a “My Beloved” or “Precious Angel”.

The way I see it, every object you own is connected to you by a string like the house in ‘Up,’ and each string is tied to a fishhook embedded in your abdomen.

Every time anyone anywhere dies, your phone issues a bloodcurdling shriek, and the deceased’s name, age, and cause of death appears on your screen.

1. “My relationship with cats has saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”

You can complete your work, unencumbered by the psychic incursions of non-self animals, uninterrupted by the social compulsion to greet and discuss weather/traffic/Amanda Bynes.

“What?” you say. “But I desperately wanted to pay for this extremely expensive meal rather than buy groceries for a month!”

How do other cat owners/companions allow their cats to roam the earth without supervision, knowing they could dive under a lawnmower after a cricket?