Betsy Holt
Aspiring comedy writer, it’s okay, you can laugh.
Articles by
Betsy Holt
A Love Letter To My iPhone 7
When I wake up in the morning, my iPhone 7 (yes, 7—times are hard) is the first thing I reach for.
A Few Ways To Get Out of Awkward Thanksgiving Conversations
Start choking and get up to get a drink. Interpret this how you like.
A Petition For All Restaurants To Start Delivering (So No One Has To Suffer Through My Ugly Days)
It’s 5 on a Saturday night. You have spent all day in front of Netflix and no time in front of a mirror. Your hair looks like Bernie Sanders’ mid-speech and it is unclear if you were in a fight or if your makeup is just smeared from the night(s) before.
An Open Letter To All The Chapsticks I’ve Left To Die In Weird Places
I’m sorry for the times I left you out in the car. Especially in the summer.
Truly Scary Last Minute Halloween Costume Ideas
Are you someone who waits until the last minute each year to figure out what to dress up as for Halloween?
Monica Should Have Chosen Dr. Richard Burke Over Miss Chanandler Bong
Even though no one asked me, welcome to my TED talk.
If Infomercials Were Honest…
Announcer: “Do you have too much too fit anything else into your busy schedule?”
Truth: We can see you sitting on the couch eating corn chips at 3am. You have nothing to do tomorrow.
Single White Female Seeks Anything Breathing And/Or Still Warm
Just be a nice person. If you are unable to do so, just maintain your body temp through homeostasis.
14 Phrases You Definitely Don’t Want To Hear Your Doctor Or Nurse Say
“Oh, you’re allergic to that? Oops.”
A Short List Of Broken Voicemails You Definitely Don’t Want To Get
*At 4:05*”…the bomb is hidden in the…it’s set to go off at 4:07.”-click-
23 Hilariously Bad Fortune Cookie Experiences
“You’re gonna blink. Called it.”
15 Ways One Can Reuse Their CVS Receipts
If you have enough faith, a tightrope.
Questions You Probably (Definitely) Shouldn’t Ask The Dentist
Could you kindly please stop stabbing me?
Justice For Vanna White
If she must keep working under these conditions, at least give her a towel and cups of Gatorade as she sprints.
The Secret Of One-Way Time Travel
I have heard that scientists are still looking for ways to time travel. This is completely unnecessary. All they need to do is take sleeping pills.
A Note Of Appreciation To The Men Who Will Never Let Me Down
They truly care about me and have gotten me through some hard times.