Ben Branstetter

During this grooming, Watson found his best defense was his immense strength in his declawed front paws combined with the banshee scream that could only remind one of putting Katy Perry into a mulcher without the satisfaction of actually doing so.

Do you know someone who’s unemployed? A veteran? Struggling to maintain the illusion of middle class? Forget them as a person. They are a statistic, an oddball collection of contextual crises and predictability.

Never take their mother’s side. Never.

This is not to say that media criticism is useless because all art is subjective. I faithfully read any number of critics and enjoy it most when I disagree with them. Perspectives on art are necessary because no piece is truly perfect or truly awful.

As disastrous as most Americans probably view the Thompsons (show me a family without its own issues and I’ll show you a delusion), it is impossible to miss how absolutely happy they are.

Stop blaming your parents for telling you you’re special. You now know it’s a lie, but you can only blame yourself for continuing to pretend it’s true.

I have a strong emotional pull towards the car. While an inanimate object made of moving parts and chemicals, OJ kept me off the streets and gave me a freedom most people are given when they borrow their dad’s car in high school.

Will Smith is not just the father of Willow and The Karate Kid.

Was it possible to man up and handle my own problems instead of mourning for the rest of my life?

I’m critical of The Office because, even though I know each new episode may be filled with disappointment, I continue to watch it. This speaks to the quality of those first few seasons and how life-like the characters managed to be.

When “Rolling In The Deep” gained sincere radio play, the focus was on Adele rather than the song. When “Just A Girl” introduced the charts to Gwen Stefani and No Doubt, the band had more personality than the track in question.

While there are plenty of books and message boards about grieving the death of your parents, no one quite prepares you for the odd way people speak to you when it comes up in conversation — and when most people your age still live with their parents, it comes up surprisingly often.