Ben Branstetter

At it’s best, ‘The Office’ and its cast demand authenticity so much it did cringe-inducing awkwardness better than any other show.

The creators have mistaken keeping the show’s soul with cobbling together pieces of the mythology fans idolize to form some twisted Frankenstein’s monster of self-congratulations and references from two seasons ago.

19. You say “I love you” way too early in a relationship.

Relationships are not merely a way to pass the time; they are often how we measure our time.

Your lost illusion that these things can give you happiness, self-worth, and the love life you deserve should die off in a cape of sustained arrogance.

This show has faults, but these are still characters I want to spend time with. That’s enough to give us another season.

As a writer, this is easily the most terrifying. The D-K Effect is the idea incompetent workers fail to recognize precisely how incompetent they are because they fail to recognize what true competence looks like. Why do they fail? Because they’re incompetent!

8. Overweight men deserve a chance to be loved for every facet of their personality and life, but no fatties for me.

How ugly it is to find the person you want to spend every minute with and chalk it up to such a cold hand as “fate”, such an impersonal wind as who is “meant” for us.

I was labeled the “Actually” Kid, whereby whenever someone said something fact-based and I felt I knew better, I responded with “actually, Gore won the popular vote” or “actually, Biohazard won the 2000 Heavyweight competition after defeating Nightmare and Vlad The Impaler–not Toro, you dummy, as he’s a Super Heavyweight”.

…let us celebrate the beauty of a system nearly too eager to protect us. Let us celebrate the phone call to Metro Police, the bomb squad at the ready.

5. “All guys think about is sex.” And all women think about is SHOPPING!! Am I right, guys?