Ben Branstetter

As a writer, this is easily the most terrifying. The D-K Effect is the idea incompetent workers fail to recognize precisely how incompetent they are because they fail to recognize what true competence looks like. Why do they fail? Because they’re incompetent!

8. Overweight men deserve a chance to be loved for every facet of their personality and life, but no fatties for me.

How ugly it is to find the person you want to spend every minute with and chalk it up to such a cold hand as “fate”, such an impersonal wind as who is “meant” for us.

I was labeled the “Actually” Kid, whereby whenever someone said something fact-based and I felt I knew better, I responded with “actually, Gore won the popular vote” or “actually, Biohazard won the 2000 Heavyweight competition after defeating Nightmare and Vlad The Impaler–not Toro, you dummy, as he’s a Super Heavyweight”.

…let us celebrate the beauty of a system nearly too eager to protect us. Let us celebrate the phone call to Metro Police, the bomb squad at the ready.

5. “All guys think about is sex.” And all women think about is SHOPPING!! Am I right, guys?

I’ve been rewatching season one these past few days (shout outs Hulu Plus, I see you) and was blown away by how pigeonholed the characters were at the beginning of this series.

14. Flea markets. I’m in love with these damn things. Walk in with $10 and walk out with fresh pecans, some rusting knick-knacks, and a Bad Company LP. It’s like a mall for poor people.

They cannot hide their mistakes behind the curtain of ego and project a wizard of triumph. They do not lack a brain, a heart, or courage–though they may confuse the three.

You know how you just gave up anything resembling privacy? What if I told you there is a building you can put your kids into for seven hours a day?

It’s fitting this episode opens with Pierce bragging about the Americanized version of Inspector Spacetime and Abed rolling his eyes at the common TV tropes he lists as epic.

18. Being broke. Someone has to be, right? Hooray, capitalism!

As he gets ready to take over The Tonight Show, it’s segments like his serialized “History of Rap” which show how he has grown the talk show format into a catch-all of out-of-character fun for his guests and viewers.

What?! You don’t own a slow cooker? Pop some tags at a thrift shop and pick up at least a six-quart Crock Pot. They are magic.

I enjoy hearing Morrissey talk more than I can stand him singing, and that’s only when he isn’t offended by a ham on rye.

“Only because you make me miserable! We never do a damn thing because you’re too scared! You want only the joy you find in your own head!”

What did my sister mean when she said I never wear pants that “fit”?

“I have actually found a chapel that will let you marry someone that most people would consider a fictional character.”