Ben Branstetter

A committed relationship is the least-profitable thing to come out of a dating site.

We take selfies mostly because no one else cares to snap a photo of us at our proudest moments, whether it’s at the gym or the Grand Canyon. Celebrities don’t have this problem.

Learn how to debate like a human being!

While “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” is usually just a step below “Jingle Bells” in a list of saccharine, overly-jolly holiday music, the version you probably know has been heavily altered from the original.

I wished you well, reminded you of the love I’ve felt for years now towards your quaint face, your serene beauty in the face of immense terror, the awesome horror felt by millions as they lie in a gurney, wired to machines of which they knew the purpose but not the workings.

We go on Facebook to see who loves our digital persona and lightly enjoy a superior giggle at the egotistical underlings we call our friends with a capital F.

3.You have to care about them.

5. Read. No one likes a reader.

I find out how much I was relying on a stimulant to make life possible, screaming at inanimate objects and having violent daydreams about the woman in front of me digging out exact change.

What Don Draper realizes at the end of season six is what thousands of Milts have realized before him: your choices are yours and yours alone.

He’s friends with a lot of cool people, like Michael Cera.

1. Nothing happens here.

At it’s best, ‘The Office’ and its cast demand authenticity so much it did cringe-inducing awkwardness better than any other show.

The creators have mistaken keeping the show’s soul with cobbling together pieces of the mythology fans idolize to form some twisted Frankenstein’s monster of self-congratulations and references from two seasons ago.

19. You say “I love you” way too early in a relationship.

Relationships are not merely a way to pass the time; they are often how we measure our time.

Your lost illusion that these things can give you happiness, self-worth, and the love life you deserve should die off in a cape of sustained arrogance.

This show has faults, but these are still characters I want to spend time with. That’s enough to give us another season.