Becky Lang

The Chart Topper peanut butter and Sriracha or bacon apple fritter donut at Glam Doll Donuts.

As women seem to have successfully penetrated the 9-5 workplace more and more men are losing interest in it.

I’m going to spend the night tanning, exfoliating and then staring at myself hatefully in the mirror before treating myself to a Skinny Girl margarita and crying myself to sleep.

If you have a hard time naturally pacing your drinking, follow this rule: If you accidentally break a glass, take a nap and then start again.

Here is why a french fry proves God doesn’t exist.

Less “oopsy,” unwanted children means less children growing up neglected by too busy parents, in poverty, inevitably eating up more and more resources and producing more and more garbage in a landfill.

Choose a liquor store/place with Red Box at least 4 blocks away and go there 2-3 times per week.

You get to eat so, so much.

Next time you apologize for downing a marathon on Netflix, just think, do I want to apologize for watching this and be like those people who used to think forks were evil? No.

If your invites are not letterpressed using some kind of slab serif font and custom set of iconography that tells the story of how you met than you might as well just get married at the strip mall.

Glamorously reflecting about your Adderall abuse

Constantly think of ways to give advice to people 2 years younger than you. If only they knew what you know now (at 23).