My Loneliness Looks Like You

I wonder if you’re as sad as me.

Am I the last thing you think about before you fall asleep, or am I the one who only comes to you in your dreams?

Or maybe I’m the one your mind conjures up each morning right before you open your eyes to start your day.

Maybe I am the one your thoughts wander to while you make your morning coffee.

Maybe I’m there in the back of your mind while your patients rattle off their symptoms and you try to remember how we even got here in the first place.

Maybe we share the exact same thoughts each and every day, but neither of us will ever say.

I’ll just keep writing and hope that you’re still there reading. And I’ll keep searching for a message here from you.

Maybe I should stop hoping that one day you’ll come back. Maybe I should wake up and realize that this is never going to happen. You are never going to burst in with flowers and apologize for everything. You are never going to text me and tell me “you were right.” You are never going to be mine again, and this is all something I still need to learn how to live with.

A person like you doesn’t stay alone for long, but a person like me doesn’t know how to live any other way.

Maybe you were too wild for me. And maybe I was too honest for you.

Maybe everything I ever felt between us I made up in my own depressed little head.

Or maybe everything we had was real and the world is just as cruel as they say.

Maybe some of us only get our soulmates for a short moment in time, while others get an eternity.

I could spend all night here wondering, but all I really want to know is if you are also thinking of me.