I’m Not The Girl For You Anymore

I’m not the girl who you can call up last minute when your prior plans fall through and expect me to drop everything to make time for you. I’m not the girl who you can call at 2:30 AM when you’re looking for a place to sleep when you ignored me all night. I’m not the girl who you can leave hanging with no explanation and think I’m just going to tell you it’s okay.

I used to do those things for guys who didn’t care about me, but not anymore.

I’m not going to be there for you when it’s convenient for you because I don’t have time to be convenient for someone. I don’t have time to be an option or a placeholder.

I’m an all or nothing kinda girl. I’m the girl who wants to be there through the good times and the bad. I’m the girl who wants to experience the highs and lows with you by my side. I’m the girl who wants to bring out the best in each other and push each other to go further in life. I’m the girl who is consistent, not convenient.

I’ve learned it’s better to be alone than with someone who only comes around when I fit into their life. So I’m not going to let you come around when you have time for me because if you really cared you’d make time. You can always make time for the people you truly care about.

I know my worth and I know what I deserve. I’m not going to let you come around when you want. I’ve done that before and I learned that if you don’t demand what you deserve you’ll always accept less.

If you want someone who you can walk all over, who you can call when you’re lonely, who you can use and mistreat, who you can sleep next to when you’re drunk then I’m not the girl for you.

I used to be that girl. I used to be the girl who didn’t respect herself, who let her emotions think for her, who would allow people like you in because I thought it was better to have you for a night than it was to sleep without you. But you never stayed. You never fell, you never let me truly in, you kept me at the distance you wanted.

I would break myself over and over again wondering why I wasn’t good enough, why you didn’t want to stay once the sun came up, why you didn’t want to commit. But I realized it was my own fault. I realized I allowed myself to be there for you when it was convenient and I didn’t demand the respect I deserved.

I realized I’d rather be alone than hanging on to someone who only showed up at 2:30 after the bar closed and everyone else went home with someone. I realized I’d rather be alone than with someone who’d leave me hanging for hours and days, just hoping you’d call.

I decided I didn’t want to be that girl anymore, I decided I wasn’t her and I decided it was time to love myself.

I started treating myself with the kindness I was treating you with. I started putting myself first and I discovered my worth, I discovered who I was without you.

I’m not the girl for you. I won’t ever be the girl for you. If you call me at night, I won’t answer. If you need someone to talk to when your friends bail, I won’t be there because you’ve never been there for me and I’m done doing things one sided.

If you want someone who is convenient then I’m not the girl for you.