Aries

Monica

The proud holder of the Geller Cup FOR 12 YEARS, Monica Geller is the perfect Aries. She literally cannot and will not back down from a challenge whether it be wrestling guys twice her size (i.e. Ross), baking loads of Christmas candy for the whole building, or just seducing her husband while down with a cold. Monica is a force of nature once she sets her sights on something (I mean she has won awards for her organizational skills) and she manages to do all of this so breezily, well as breezy as an Aries can get. Word of caution: NEVER TRY TO STEAL AN ARIES’ THUNDER!

Taurus

Rachel

Ruled by Venus, Rachel Green is undisputedly a terrestrial beauty with a knack for all that’s sensually and sensuously pleasing. She’s all about extravagance, as one of her major weaknesses is Chanel No.5, she also cannot resist a classy Sphynx cat even if it costs a 1000 dollars and all her friends are freaked out by it. And like all Taurians, love is on the top list of her priorities but make no mistake, she’s unbelievably uncompromising when it comes to her pride. Besides being an ambitious hard worker, she has a sweet tooth especially for extra creamy cheesecake and it doesn’t get more Taurus than that.

Gemini

Janice

Like, Janice, Geminis are all for diversity which is the primary reason they can swing back and forth in your relationships, maybe between theirr mattress king ex and Chandler Bing. Their heart can often be in two different places sometimes even on the two widely conflicting extremes of the spectrum. But one day, they’re going to find a Wall-Street broker with whom they’ll be buying a very nice house, and when they do find them, it’s going to be all kinds of oh my god!

Cancer

Emily

Cancers are all about excitement and passion in love, they’re also big believers in fairytale love stories. So you would probably strive to keep them around even if it means proposing after a few weeks of dating, and they might even say yes and proceed to build the mountain castle where you would reside happily ever after UNTIL you say the wrong name at the altar and then it goes downhill from there from being jealous, obsessive and controlling. That’s why Emily is the embodiment of a heartbroken Cancer, but can you really blame her?

Leo

Joey

There’s no doubt Leos are the kings/queens of charisma and charm, in fact they have so much charm and heat a simple “how you doin’?” could melt you right there in your spot. Not to mention they radiate so much warmth to the point that you’ll probably experience the best nap you’ll ever have between their arms. They’re also entirely devoted once they fall in love so much so they will literally risk their lives to save their beloved. Joey Tribbiani is an absolute Leo.

Virgo

Chandler

Virgos are infamous for their critical streak. Because they’re naturally a perfectionist, they can’t just get over the fact that their date’s head is huge and they seem to get especially irritated by the fact that people over-pronounce things or that they snorts when they laugh. Virgos also have a special dislike for “Count Rushmore” because of the slight inconvenience that it doesn’t exist. Ruled by Mercury (planet of communication), they sincerely believe that pointing out those little flaws through witty rhetoric questions and similes is their ultimate sarcastic duty towards humanity. Seriously, Chandler Bing, could you BE any more of a Virgo?

Libra

Ross

It’s no secret that Libras are renowned for being “in love with love” which is why sometimes you get too carried away into making not-the-most-thoroughly-thought-out decisions about mating forever that would later result into three divorces. But still Dr. Geller is not ashamed to admit that he “likes proposals, Big Surprise!” Although Libras are huge advocates for non-violence, they know that justice needs fearless power to protect it, so they’re not afraid to defend themselves when necessary. Even using an ancient fighting techniques like “Unagi.” But for the most part they’re preoccupied with balancing the scales within themselves.

Scorpio

Susie

Scorpios are the vigilantes of the zodiac, and they can hold a serious grudge for years. So if you manage to get yourself on a Scorpio’s vengeance list, it doesn’t matter if it has been a day, a month, or 20 years, they will stop at nothing to retaliate 10 times worth your initial hit, and just like Susie. They will not rest till they get their “bound of flesh” or in this case “naked bound of Chandler flesh.” So before you try to “pull their skirt in fourth grade while kids laugh” keep in mind that nothing will hold them back from carefully studying every weakness you have and cunningly planning to use them against you while they laugh at you in the back of their heads.

Sagittarius

Richard

The most adventurous sign of the zodiac is also the smoothest and most elegant. They will sweep you off your feet with seriously electrifying romance because no matter how old they get, they never lose that wild spirit that makes getting over them “the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do.” Because they value freedom and have a deep affinity for continuous learning, they hate to be tied down by anything. One thing for sure, you will never forget them or the time you had with them, just like Richard with Monica.

Capricorn

Mr. Heckles

Just like Mr. Heckles, Capricorns appear to have a harsh edge to them and because they value discipline throughout life, they love people in such a disciplined way that they’re often misunderstood. When they’re just trying to communicate how much they love you despite of all your flaws and the annoyance you cause they, it can often be confused for detestation. But at the end of the day, Capricorns have a heart made of pure gold that makes them love even “the annoying girls upstairs.”

Aquarius

Phoebe

An Aquarians friends are the most important people to them in the whole world. That’s why they’ll always be there to tell you that you’ve found “your lobster” or help you “stop the madness” because they’re not afraid to get tough and make you “their bitches, if we were in prison.” Aquarians also never shy away from schooling people when “they’re too close-minded about science” or “when they hang out in the coffee shop too much.” As a humanitarian, they hold values such as peace, justice, and animal rights in high regard. They’re always on the quest to stand up for the underdog, so they won’t just stand there when someone “wrongs a tree and refuses to apologize.” So keep doing you, Aquarius. Because the world needs more Phoebe Buffays.

Pisces

Gunther

Pisces are the dreamers of the zodiac. They live in a dream world of their own power and created solely by imagination, so when they fall for someone, much like Gunther, they will fantasize about asking their crush “to go out with them as their lover.” Pisceans can get so infatuated with someone that they might purchase “everything they ever bought, touched or sat on.” They can also harbor such infatuation for years, but because they fear that rejection will shatter their sensitive and soft hearts, they might never master the courage to tell their crush.