Austin O'Rourke

I spent six hours in Whole Foods. I didn’t need to; let me get that out of the way first.

My Cross Fit experience, slash #fitlife, slash being really really hot, began almost a year ago. I first joined Cross Fit in September of 2014, for the sole purpose of being able to tell my friends that I did Cross Fit. And I did, every day.

The NBA Finals, June’s annual seven-part preeminent basketball showcase, is here.

So here goes: a 23-step fool-proof, no-nonsense recipe to design your Summer ’15 super playlist (note: I tried my best to avoid putting ‘Trap Queen’ on repeat for the whole thing).

There’ll be 64 songs, 16 apiece in each of the four regions: his three studio albums, (1) Section.80, (2) good kid m.A.A.d. city, (3) To Pimp A Butterfly, and then the (4) best of the rest, a compilation of some early work, guest verses, and special performances. They’ll be seeded alphabetically, so no one gets hurt. Perfect.

She’s an excellent storyteller. Seriously. She understands which narration styles work, and which don’t, better than anyone I know. That’s what makes her so dangerous.

On Sunday night, during Saturday Night Live’s 40th Anniversary Special, Kanye West performed. It was … you know, weird. Perfectly ‘Ye.

In a densely settled village, which sat on a hill a few leagues south of Boston, a platoon of patriots prepared to battle a boomy legion of seafaring hawks.

We care more because it carries legitimate social significance. Fictional murder mysteries are solely for our entertainment; Serial could correct a reckless mistrial.

The Emmys will air tonight on NBC at 8:00 p.m. Celebrities will dress up. Speeches will be given. The Internet will react. And a ruling will be made concerning the most important debate of our generation.

20 minutes until Avril comes on and at this point, there’s no opening act. Do we live in a world where no one opens for Avril, you frantically wonder. DO WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE AVRIL IS THE OPENING ACT?!?!

Limit yourself to only 10 or 15 “this is going to be the last night before I officially start the diet” snack binges.

As little Miley as possible. I understand this might still mean six or seven songs. That’s fine.

Love, peace, and taco grease!

And although they say all press is good press, it’s difficult to ascertain how this profusion of negative attention will benefit Lavigne. It’s also difficult to ascertain what Avril was going for here.

We are ALL Frank Kaminsky this weekend. Remember that.

If you’re a beginner, it’s too late to inundate yourself with the history of NCAA basketball and the ins-and-outs of this year’s tournament. But it’s not too late for the Spark Notes version.

Lil Jon instructs Martha about the rap game, while Martha talks about life as a thug. This segment lasts four minutes, though the lessons learned last a lifetime.