Don’t Tell Her You Love Her If You Don’t Mean It Yet

So you are getting ready to meet some of your guy friends for a drink or two at this bar at the end of the street. You can’t wait to tell them about this new girl you are falling for and see how happy they are for you. After you pitch in with your story, wearing that excitement on your face, one of your friends asks you a question that throws you completely off-guard, not because you weren’t really expecting it, but more because there’s a chance you might not actually know how to answer it. “I’m happy for you, mate, but what do you love about her? What makes her so special, huh?”

Your mind is swirling with thoughts, and you are probably going to blurt out the first plausible answer that comes to mind so you don’t risk looking like you are invalidating your feelings. The dilemma here was never about what love is in itself, but more of this generation’s understanding of what does constitute real love. We get into relationships and in such a short time, we confess our love to our partners without actually understanding what that word entails. Because if our feelings, as strong as they may seem, are not ones of love, then what are they? We feel the need to put a label on them, because what if people or even our partners ask us what they are? But do we really need to put a label at all? Do our feelings, as complex as they certainly are, deserve to be confined to the constituents of a specific label, however profound that label may seem to be? I reckon no.

When you do love her, you love her for the person she is and not the person you were looking for or the person you want her to be. You might not like every little thing about her, but you still love her wholeheartedly because you understand that at the end of the day, she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with quite literally. Perfection does not exist, but it might as well in that girl you are with, because that is your perception, and that is what really matters.

All I am asking from you is to be truly honest and genuine with your feelings and how you communicate them to her, because that is the least that she deserves from you. If you haven’t reached that point where you sincerely feel that you love her, then don’t tell her that just because you think it will make her happy or because you’ve been together for a while, and you know her well, so you figure you must love her by now. There is no timeline to fall in love, because nothing as complex and beautiful as love comes that easily. It is a choice of persevering when quitting seems easier, compromising when your ego is like a skyscraper, and sacrificing when her happiness is more important to you than yours. When you reach that point, you won’t even have to tell her that you love her, because boy, will she feel it.