What It Feels Like To Miss You

My body shivers with nostalgia and pain and all I feel is the lack of your presence in my apartment. I notice you’re gone every time I brush my teeth and notice that your toothbrush is no longer there. I miss you when I’m grocery shopping. I miss losing you in the isles and finding you with a handful of sweets. That smile. Oh, that smile.

Missing you feels like being stranded in the ocean with no sign of land or life for miles. There’s nothing but the unknown beneath you and it’s terrifying.

I seem to be able to find a little bit of you in everything I see and touch. I see you in the clouds and the time you told me clouds looked delicious. I remember it being so absurd and I remember you thinking it was the funniest thing you had ever said. The memory brings the most empty smile to my face.

I see you in the passenger seat of my car telling me I drive like a grandma. I can hear the aggravation in your voice clear as day as though you’re saying those exact words in my ear right now. Even laced with annoyance, your voice sounds beautiful and pains me and I want you back in my life more.

Love doesn’t make any sense and this feeling of missing you makes less. I don’t understand how heartbreak can be so painful and agonizing and how fucked up my head is right now. All because I let you walk away with my heart in your back pocket.

I feel nothing but the memories of you intensely and I wonder how long this will last. I wonder how long it will take for my brain to stop associating you with everyone and everything because I don’t want to hurt anymore.