I Was Never As Important As His Secrets

It was all too much. It was exhausting trying to keep up with all the secrets and the hiding and my fall was inevitable.

I’ll put it like this, I wish he would’ve put the same effort into our relationship that he put into keeping things from me and I don’t think there is any statement truer.

He had this second life he was living. This life where I could never exist and where my love was worth absolutely nothing. This life where all considerations for my feelings and thoughts disappeared in the smoke and I was nothing.

I never felt more unimportant.

The thing about secrets is that you shouldn’t keep them when it comes to being in a relationship. If you are going to do or have done something that you feel you need to keep a secret then the chances are that you shouldn’t have done it. It doesn’t get more black and white than that.

Secrets are nothing but obstacles and it’s the most frustrating thing to deal with. At some point, the trust is gone and you’re always worried and the feeling is so empty and hollow. Your thoughts pull at tears and pull harder until you’re crying so hard you can’t breathe.

Love isn’t supposed to be like that. Our love wasn’t supposed to be like that.

I was nothing more than someone to keep you company when you were bored. I was nothing more than someone to talk to when your friends didn’t reply and that’s just me being devastatingly honest.

Secrets are selfish and hurtful and I hope you wake up one day and realize what you did to me and I hope you don’t keep them from the next girl.

I know right now I’m hurt, but one day I’ll wake up and realize that this all was for the better.