This Is Why Self-Love Trumps Everything Else
Love is not enough to keep a situation intact if your internal system is shutting down.
By 
Arihat East
We want to believe that we can love anyone through anything, but upon certain experiences, we discover our love has conditions. Love is patient and kind, but are humans? Maybe. Are people allowed to arrive at the conclusion that there are things that they will not deal with? Yes, they are. I know relationships are supposed to be an exercise in unconditional love and understanding, but I am learning that there are limits.
Infidelity, substance abuse, domestic violence, long term incarceration, and child abuse are obvious and massive deal breakers for most people. These are the things that the general public will probably not judge another person for if they chose to leave. What about someone’s lack of desire to continue in a marriage, because they have outgrown the relationship? How about personal growth and development taking precedence over a relationship? Is that as acceptable as those deal breakers?
It is emotional suicide to stay with someone simply out of obligation. Love is not enough to keep a situation intact if your internal system is shutting down. I believe that we find it easier to focus on outward issues as reasons for a departure, rather than first paying attention to our internal dialogue. It is painful to acknowledge something that causes someone we love a devastating heartbreak, but it is worse to say nothing at all. Acknowledging endings, growth and moving forward may seem debilitating, but there is power and freedom in speaking your truth. You may feel like a villain for a while, but that will pass.
Self-love is the access to loving others. Identifying your true north will help you navigate personal relationships. Unfortunately, in this life, we may not realize our truth until we are weeks, months, years, or even decades into our relationships. Relationships can survive earth-moving shifts, but some will not. Go forth in ways that leave you in awe and grateful for your awakening. It is your duty to pursue your wildest dreams, because no one is coming to give you permission. 
