Read This When You’re Thinking About Texting Your Ex

It. Is. Over. There is no reason to pick up the phone to send that “I miss you” text, because nothing good comes from that. Ever. I liken texting your ex to drinking way more than you should, knowing the kind of hangover that’s possible the next day. It takes you all day to get past it, or maybe even days, and you feel like complete shit and regret it.

Why is it so bad to contact the person who you loved so much? This person was probably your best friend, right? You laughed together, made memories together and they just understood you better than anyone, right? At that point in time, yes, they were. Currently, that’s not the reality.

Could there be a silver lining to texting an ex? Sure. A lesson in self discovery and resisting urges. Each time you allow a memory of something that was, you cloud your present reality, and you knock yourself back a few paces. Is a momentary impulse worth weeks or months of progress? The answer is most certainly no, but you have to go through that icky and miserable feeling to understand the consequences. There will be moments where wanting to send that text will arise—a great date, a horrible date, a song on the radio, a meme, a heart shaped piece of lint, a discarded orange peel, or sheer boredom. You have to push through the urges and ask yourself, “How will this serve me?”

Time heals everything. Time is a neutralizer, and it can transform our minds and our bodies. What will you allow time to do with you? There is the fearful way of being, entailing shutting down and shutting everyone out. There’s the loving way, allowing yourself to have the feelings come up, being with them, and allowing them to pass. Reach out to your friends and allow them to help you struggle through the pain, talk it through, and be there for you through tears and temptations. It has to rain for flowers to grow. Could you forgive someone for hurting you? Probably. Does that mean that person has to be in your life? Probably not.

Someone can feel like magic, you can create magic, but that magic may not stay as long as we believe it would. We are better for having loved and been loved so deeply. We are better for seeing what is possible when two people love powerfully. Value yourself enough to honor the memory but know that new ones are ready to be made. Texting your ex is putting whipped cream on dog shit. There are new beginnings that await you. Are you ready?