Ari Eastman

Thank you for breaking my heart right before I was about to fall in love with you.

I looked over my shoulder and caught my reflection in the mirror. Was the freckled, petite goofball I saw staring back at me secretly a flirt? Had she been deceiving me this whole time? Was my lovable neurosis an act?

5. If a natural disaster hit, I’m sorry, I’d probably start saving the animals first.

How can there really just be one person out there? What if your soulmate dies? Is across the planet? Is Gary Busey?!

His name was George. I never met him, nor do I have the slightest idea as to how or when he died.

We listen, really, truly listen, something that I don’t think we do in society enough these days.

While my peers were up prank phone calling, nearly overdosing on Pixie sticks, and practicing the earliest form of flirting, TPing, I stayed up late watching Nora Ephron films.

One of the nights when my mom was asleep, my dad fell in the bathroom.

You will never know the way I kiss on a Sunday morning.

Within minutes of casting my eyes upon his slender frame, nerdy-chic wardrobe, and witnessing his lyrical genius, I melted into one smitten kitten.

An ancient philosopher from the mystical land of Toronto once said, “You’re a good girl and you know it.”

He has a girlfriend. And that girlfriend is not you.