Ari Eastman

Siblings are built in friends you occasionally want to punch in the face. How is it that on one hand, you’d take a literal bullet for them, and on the other, you want them to JUST SHUT UP, PLEASE WOULD YOU BE QUIET???!

It’s weird to be so afraid of dying but also want to die.

Does she want a dude who posts terribly unfunny memes to his Instagram account that showcase his juvenile sense of humor? Like, come on. DUDE, YOU ARE 37.

My friend is concerned & I wanna tell her not to be,
meaning, I’M FINE, I SWEAR!

If I don’t pet this dog, I am literally going to die.

Google inspirational quotes. Roll your eyes at all of them.

your goddamn smile
still brings me to my knees

Here he is looking like a snack.

Because women can save the world.

I go back to the coffee shop and make eyes at Grayson. He remembers my order. I want to faint.

Bachelor Ken: Always shirtless and somewhat sexy, a solid 90% of his posts are sponsored. Sugar Bear Hair dot com. Looking for a tea that will make you shit a ton? He’s got you covered. #Detox #Ad

Instead, I’ll say the moon has never looked
as good as it did when we followed it home together.

So maybe it’s a little worse for wear and tear. Maybe it’s black and blue and not working quite the way it used to. Maybe it’s beating, but just barely.

We don’t always write about the people who flatter themselves thinking we do. We don’t always shine a spotlight on every story.

Defensiveness is just vulnerability in different clothing.

You’re not even disappointed when they cancel plans. Sometimes you’re relieved.

Mayer is ranked as number one and I am, in a word, thirsty.

‘Twas the night of black out drinking and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, you’re all still blacked out.