Screw You, But Thank You For Breaking My Heart

Fuck you for breaking my heart right before I was about to fall in love with you.

Thank you for breaking my heart right before I was about to fall in love with you.

Now, I will not trust such a pretty face. I will not ignore red flags. I will listen to my best friend. I will continue to love me more than you ever would have been able to anyway. I will champion my fellow sisters. I will lift them up when they are crushed. I will send you warmth in hopes that it can penetrate that shell you only pretended I cracked open. I will not wish you harm, though there is a large list of people who do. I will hope this other person brings you what I could not. I will think of you, at a later point, and wonder how you’re doing. I will look at the crack in the headboard of a bed I am too broke to replace and not feel as if, I too, am broken. I will not cry over a mere 8 weeks. I lost my dad in 8 weeks. You are nothing. And yet, you could have been everything. I will write poems about you. I will write poems that I say aren’t about you, but they are. I will write poems about someone else.

I will laugh. I will laugh at jokes about you. I will laugh at this whole absurd situation. I will feel nothing. I will think of texting my ex boyfriend for some validation. But I will not, because I do not toy with the emotions of others. I will hope that you continue to do battle with your demons, never letting them defeat you. I will write you a letter, but never mail it. I will stare at my phone for hours, wondering if you will ever reach out. I will turn on my record player and dance until it seems like you never even existed. I will choose someone in the future who knows that they want me right away. I will not go after someone I must chase.  I will torture myself by reading old messages, wondering how you could have said so many words and meant none of them. I will guard my heart. I will be bitter, though only momentarily. I will falsely believe all men are dicks. I will want to kiss you again. I will want to yell at you. I will want to kiss you yet again. I will think about contacting you. I will hate myself for being so foolish. I will hate myself for possibly thinking any of this was my fault. I will, once again, remember I love myself. I will send you nothing but positivity. I will feel nauseated when I see something on Facebook that I wish I hadn’t. I will go on with no regrets. I will hope you are able to find peace, to find happiness, to find fulfillment. I will send you my love, but now, I will never fall in love with you.