If I Had Known Those Nights Were All We Had

You ignited fires within my soul, burning up every single fiber of my being, accelerating that feeling of my heart falling through my chest. And my breath, I tried to hold it steady as my heart raced, but I felt out of control. Your love—or what I thought was love—made me feel out of control.

All those days, you graced me with your desire, your intellect, the way we undeniably and naturally clicked. And all those nights, you couldn’t keep your hands off me. Even a simple touch of your hand on mine was enough to make the adrenaline rush through my veins. You traced my lips slowly with your finger and pulled me towards yourself as you kissed my neck and held me tight. You felt the outline of my body, and in that moment, no one else mattered.

That one night, as the streetlight poured through the cracks in the window blinds, I could feel your heart beating fast as you stood behind me, caressing my bare skin, and I leaned back into your chest. Carrying me onto the countertop, I heard things fall to the floor as you pushed me up against the kitchen cabinets, but all we knew was that we couldn’t breathe without each other. We barely made it to the bed, and the way you undressed me felt raw, sensual, beautiful, like everything I had been searching for and nothing like how I’d ever felt. Your hands were soft yet strong, and they created sparks with every touch.

Almost a year later, we’re worlds away, yet our hearts were once closer than we could’ve ever imagined. What could we have been? If we had just admitted our inner feelings, could we have worked this out?

What we had was something most people search for all their lives. Some will never find it. But we did in those months of carefree happiness, unmistakable compatibility, and intense desire.

If I had known that those nights were all we had, I would’ve told you everything about how I felt. I would’ve told you to stay. “Stay. Please. Please, don’t go. Never walk out of my life.” But now it’s too late to say those words.

I just hope that one day, you come back to me again so I can tell you how I truly feel.