I Am Not Sorry For Ghosting You

Do you remember the night we met?

In the beginning you had all of me, then most of me. As time went by, you had some and now you have none of me.

I wish I could go back to that night and do everything differently and end everything before it even began. If only that were possible.

You were the drug that gave me immediate, short-term comfort. We hated ourselves for going back to each other and swore we wouldn’t, but we inevitably went back for more.

We were weak; we made each other weaker.

With you, I felt so hopeful, because I did not know how to look in the right places. I thought we had a connection when it was only selfishness on our parts.

It was the brevity of our time together that left me mystified with you. We are exactly the example of people who shouldn’t stay in each other’s lives, but we are also the kind of people that stories are told about. We thrived on drama; we lived for chaos. We were a mess.

Maybe we found each other when what we needed most was a companion in this lonesome city filled with millions of people where no one has the time to listen to anyone. We settled for what we thought was worth much more.

You and I both hurt each other over and over again, but you hurt me more. We swore that we wouldn’t repeat it, but we never kept our promise.

You broke me so completely that one December night. You crumbled my heart and shattered my self-esteem, leading me to think that only you could put me back together again when you never intended to.

You left me when I needed you the most.

But the ease I found in knowing you would listen was worth the volatile chaos we created every so often.

We were terrible to each other and we were bad for each other. We brought out the worst in each other.

I wanted you to fix me, but I didn’t realize that you were a little broken too. We assumed we were the answer to each other’s destiny, but we were daydreaming in delusions.

Being with you never made me want to become a better person. Instead, I think I made you a little worse the more we stayed together.

Deep inside, I always knew that losing all contact would be the smartest thing, but I held on for too long because I was blinded by the superficial hope of your magical words.

You taught me that it is not necessary for everything to work out. You proved it right. My naïve heart will miss your presence, but my rational mind will also understand.

Every time I went back to you, I hated myself a little more. I hate that at one point I thought I could love you.

If I saw you on the street with someone, smiling and happy, I would smile and hope she can make you happier than you have ever been.

If you saw me on the street with someone, smiling and happy, you would smile and hope I am with the wrong person.

That is the difference between you and me. That is why I am not sorry for ghosting you.

I wish you well, but I do not wish you in my life.

Goodbye forever.