I Know You’re No Good For Me, But I Still Want You

I don’t know why I am so attached to you. I do but I’m in denial about it.

I don’t know why I am so attached to someone who didn’t treat me right.

I don’t know why I am so hung up on our stupid memories.

I don’t know why I can’t move on and let it go.

I know I can- I just don’t want to.

It haunts me, everyday. It scares me that I’ll never be able to get past this. I’m afraid that I won’t be able see the light when all I am absorbed in is the darkness.

I have let myself be an option for you. Someone that you knew if you called up would answer, someone that you could always fall back onto when you were bored. You never gave me answers, you never explained yourself for any of the encounters we had.

Why did you want to see me all those times? You never could say those three words no matter how much I wanted you too. And now all I have is this wonder, all these questions, and no answers.

I know nothing, I feel like everything with us was just based off of false hope. You never gave me what I wanted, but I continued to try and tell myself that you could. All I did was disappoint myself, all I did was mess with myself, and now all I am left with is still not you.

I don’t know how to get over you, because I thought I have been, but then you just come back. It’s like you know when I’ve finally come to peace with the situation, and then there you come in, saying that you miss me, when really you don’t, that you want to see me, when really all you do is break down my confidence. You can say you you love me, but not say “I love you”. That’s the difference. You don’t love me, you never could. You never let yourself have the chance to do it.

There wasn’t enough time to fix this broken watch.

Why can I write so much about someone who made me lose so much of what I believed in?

And to make all matters worse, I want nothing more right now than you; it’s complete and total fuckery. It’s just like you to be able to do this too. You always win, and I always lose you. I always end up being hurt with you. I don’t know if I have been accustomed to your pain you inflict, or I just need to feel something to know your still here.