7 Reasons You Should Drink Wine Instead Of Working Out

Updated 10 years ago, October 2, 2014

I have joined a gym several times in my life. Each time I joined one, I’ve gone, maybe, five or six times, then totally just given up. Even right now I have a gym membership that I’ve had for month, which expires on Thursday, and I’ve gone once. I’ll repeat that louder for you: ONCE. Talk about a waste of money.

Whenever I meet someone who’s a gym rat, I recoil in fear. Who is this person? Why are they like that? What is there to love about working out and sweating? These are the type of people I’m utterly confused by, because when my workday is over all I want is pizza, Netflix, and some red wine. I wish I could be someone who goes to the gym and loves it, but I’m not, so I’ve learned to accept that. I’d feel guilty, but guilt just isn’t in my make-up, nor is regret, so I’m lucky that way.

An earth-shattering study has proved that people like me, the ones who would rather not go to the gym, can actually make up for it by drinking a glass of wine instead. According to researchers at the University of Alberta, “The magic ingredient in red wine is resveratrol which is also found in nuts and grapes. This complex boosts the function of the heart, muscles and bones as much as a trip to the gym does.” What the wha — ? Is this some sort of joke, or did life get way more awesome all of sudden? Sounds like it’s the latter.

Of course, there are many more benefits to drinking red wine, and although I know you don’t need a reason to indulge, but just in case you’re feeling guilty the next time you skip on the gym, then I want you to remember the following:

It’s Slimming, Without All The Sweating And Grunting.
Hells yeah! Resveratrol is pretty much the best thing to happen to wine. When it hits our body it creates the chemical compound known as piceatannol, which has been found to “prevent the growth of fat cells in a series of lab tests.”
It Puts You In A Good Mood
Aside from those bizarre creatures known as gym rats, the rest us wouldn’t put going to the gym high up on our lists of great loves. However, opting to go home and drink wine instead, is an ideal way to relax and say goodbye to a long day. Throw in some pizza, too, and who’s super, duper happy? YOU ARE!
Because You Can Have Sex Instead
We already know that sex is a far more fun workout than the gym, so if you combine that with the fact that red wine has been attributed to increasing sex drives, and who wouldn’t skip the gym for a night of vino and lovin’?
So You Can Avoid Getting Sick
Let’s be honest, the gym can be full of germs. I mean, just look at the locker room, alone, and try not to cringe at the possible infestation of bacteria all around you. Wine, however, is chalk full of antioxidants, and a 2010 studyhas shown that people who drink more than 14 glasses of wine a week are 40 percent less like to come down with a cold.
It’s A Good Way To Bond
Who actually bonds at the gym? Aside from the occasional glance at each other, in which you can silently commiserate over the pain you’re sharing, no one goes to the gym to bond. Instead, choosing to drink over working out, and after a couple of glasses, you’re BFFs with everyone at the bar. Isn’t it more important to have friends than perfect abs? Your abs can’t hold back your hair when you throw up after too much wine!
Because You Love Your Teeth
Picture this: You’re at the gym, and you suddenly get really distracted by some hot guy with a beard. It happens, right? Then before you know, you trip, fall on the treadmill, and knock out your two front teeth. What a bummer! You know how you could have prevented that? By staying home and drinking wine. Red wine actually hardens teeth enamel, therefore preventing tooth decay, as well as gum disease.
You’ll Stay Younger (And Alive) Longer
When you think about the stress that comes with going to the gym, you have to wonder why the hell you even bother. However, red wine can fix that, too. Not only have studies shown that wine drinkers live longer than those who drink beer and spirits, but the polyphenols in it keep you younger longer, too. And isn’t that what we’re trying to accomplish with all that working out? A young and healthy body that will stand the test of time? I think so.