Alexis Caputo

“I would NEVER, EVER tell my girlfriend this, but I really, really want her to call me Daddy during sex. It’s to the point where I might cheat on her just to try it.”

“I’d to tell him where I really want him to finish, but I’m too reserved.”

If you think it’s still a “controversial” thing to announce to your Facebook friends that you struggle with bouts of anxiety, you’re either living under a rock or looking to be a martyr.

When you get into your late 20s you realize that the future isn’t going to be a distant thing forever. It is coming for you.

If your roommate brings her boyfriend around too much, just walk around with your shirt off.

This is why I always hang out with the dudes at holiday gatherings.

Why do you think you would be the right person to examine a woman? There’s a whole 50% of your species with direct experience with a woman’s body, don’t you think they’d be better suited to be experts in this field?

You know humor is best delivered in taco bell references. You were born in the 90s. Netflix is your god and pizza your body of jesus.

The person is cheating on someone for you, which makes you feel more desirable than being with someone who has nothing to lose by being with you.

“I think all women, eventually, crave to be dominated.”

Maybe it just looks like we women are having too much fun over here forming our own opinions.

There is so much more to be gained from dialogue than from silence.

It feels like being Cleopatra and ruling the entire free world with your sexuality.

I’m never going to turn down an O, but I think orgasms are the great red herring of female sexuality.

“Any longer and they are drunk or you don’t know what to do.”

The thought cannot possibly escape your mind–if they are so judgmental and unforgiving in one area of their life–how will they not be judgmental and unforgiving when they are seeing my naked body?

Sending a message that was obviously just copy/pasted to 30+ girls: we can tell when you do this. It’s not exactly a panty dropper.

meth is freaking fun, actually.