Adrien Field

Think about the end goal – do you want to be married and start a family? Are you just looking for someone to have fun with for a while? Figuring this out can help reorient what types of dates you pursue.

When it comes to our own issues and problems, we never seem to see them clearly. Either we think we’re the exception, or we lack the perspective to make the right decision, clouded either by emotions, fears, or excitement in the moment.

A lot of couples have open relationships.

We’re supposed to be a rainbow geyser of pithy commentary and witty one-liners, equal parts court jester and therapist, always there to boost self-esteem, telling them how fabulous they are and admitting how terrible men are when they get hurt, forgetting that we, ourselves, are men.

With endless platonic dating, we can delude ourselves into imaging a life and future with someone before we know whether there is sexual compatibility. They seem like a good person, they might make us laugh, but can they make us orgasm?

I wonder if single people have some shared qualities that cause them to seek one another out, some sort of gene which is repellent to a romantic partner but brings us together in commiseration over bottles of cabernet sauvignon on dateless weekend nights.

It often seems like even powerful women who want to be treated like men in the office want to come home to a man who makes them feel like a woman.

Nonetheless, similar to when one gives me a compliment, I don’t believe it. My instinct is to think that the test is faulty or the person who says I’m handsome is lying, blind or my grandmother.

Despite receiving a fair amount of attention when I am out — men, and gay men particularly, make it obvious when they are interested as they stare intently and sometimes grab part of your body without permission — I still never feel as short or average-looking as when I am in a gay bar.

The thing about attraction is that it can grow from a place where there is none. Money is a powerful aphrodisiac and combined with enough affection and adoration, over time feelings will develop and the urge to vomit upon seeing their naked body subsides.

I can’t lower my standards any lower. If things don’t improve soon, I’m going back on Propecia to forestall hair loss and kill my libido so that I can be both youthful and asexual forever.

Sometimes you just want to go on a date and there aren’t any exciting prospects lined up so you’ll accept an invitation from a guy who looks like Janet Reno’s nephew.