24 Things You’ll Typically Think The First Time You Do Bikram Yoga

1. First time doing hot yoga, LET’S DO THIS ISH.

2. Going to have Adriana Lima’s body soon, nbd. #hatazgonnahate

3. Wow, my workout gear makes me look like a practicing nun in comparison to what little everybody else is wearing.

4. Also everybody looks hot. Maybe this is the hang out place for models.

5. Speaking of hot, this room is hot. They weren’t kidding about it being over 100 degrees. It’s okay I can deal. #theheatneverbotheredmeanyway

6. Ah, poor guy in front of me has to stretch near a puddle of water. How unfort—

7. –Oh gross, that puddle is his literal sweat. Yeah, that’s not disgusting at all.

8. Okay first stretch, I will own all of y’all in this ish.

9. Just kidding, I look like a mangled praying mantis.

10. Hey, is this what slow death feels like?

11. I’m sorry, my body doesn’t conform to obtuse angles.

12. “Even if you’re not good at yoga, yoga is good for you”. Thanks yoga instructor, for subconsciously telling me I suck.

13. I propose to inaugurate “Bikram Yoga Studio” as one of Dante’s circles of Hell. Someone go to Barnes and Noble and pencil that ish in all the copies.

14. Everyone around me looks like a yogi. I, however, look like a decaying beetroot.

15. Just sneaked a look in the mirror, yup. #decayingbeetrootstatus

16. Oh good, now it’s just floor exercises, this should be way easier.

17. THE FLOOR IS LAVA.

18. CAN I DO THE ALS ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE IN THIS ROOM? NO ONE WILL MIND RIGHT!?!?!?

19. “Last stretch”..you’ve said that three times now, I don’t believe you, Yoga-Instructor-Who-Looks-Like-A-Glistening-Greek-God.

20. I’m too young to die. Life was just starting. Should I have written a will?

21. Am I alive?

22. Oh God, it’s finally over.

23. Hey I actually feel like I worked out, maybe this wasn’t so bad after all. I feel refreshed and—

24. —Wait, FOUR MORE SESSIONS ON THIS GROUPON I BOUGHT? MOTHER F@)#(@&*#()*&