Maybe Almost Lovers Were Never Meant To Be Ours

I convinced myself that I didn’t want anything serious. Me, a hopeless romantic that wants REAL love someday. You would have thought that I would have learned my lesson by how things ended with the last guy I dated, but I went with it. When I first met Nate, I had no expectations. He was not someone I would generally date, but I told myself that I was going to be open to new possibilities. He seemed sweet, and it was all new to me.

It felt like I knew him more than just that one night. I was relaxed in his presence; it had been a while since I felt that way about someone. When I first met him, the first thing I noticed was his piercing blue eyes and his boyish smile. I’ve never seen eyes so blue before. He was cute, charming, and incredibly sweet. Even Harley, my adorable 60 pound yellow lab, loved him. We spent the first night talking about random things and watching episodes of The Office. It was wonderful.

He told me about the places he’d traveled to and well, you know, all the interesting things you say to your first date. After that night, I knew I wanted to see him again. There was something about the way he held me that made me feel safe in his arms. Our first kiss was enticing. Thinking back now, I wish I kissed him longer. His lips fit perfectly with mine. He always kissed me passionately, as if it were our last.

We began to see each other more. When I was with him, everything was great. I found myself liking him a lot, even telling my friends how great he was and how I thought he was going to be different than the rest. I inanely believed that I was finally safe, so I gave him more and more of myself. But in a snap of a finger, everything fell apart. We just didn’t want the same things. I didn’t want to do casual, and he wasn’t ready for anything serious… with me.

In that moment, I felt hopeless. The tears rolled down my cheeks, dripping over my lips. I sat there blankly staring at the wall while Harley laid his head on my lap. I thought to myself that perhaps there was something that I could have done, something different. Then I felt anger, but towards myself. I was so upset that I let myself get into a situation like this again, knowing how it always ends.

I started to think about everything that was wrong with me. Was it my laugh? Or the way I looked? My list was endless. After some time—okay, fine, after a couple days of hiding in my apartment, wondering where it all went wrong, playing my “Sad” playlist (don’t act like you don’t have one either)—it hit me. He was never going to be mine. We try so hard to protect ourselves from getting hurt, but we want to believe that perhaps this time is different. We take the chance and let ourselves fall.

I told myself that he was someone I could see myself with, but you know what? When someone wants you, you will know. He never opened up to me—his excuse was that he was just quiet. When someone wants us, nothing can ever stop them. He will make time; he will reach out to you. He will show you that he wants you.

So, here is where I say that almost lovers weren’t meant to be our lovers. If someone is not giving you the effort and the time that you deserve, get out. They are not for you, nor are they worth fighting for.

They will find someone better for them, and most importantly, you will find someone better for you. It will be easy with the person you’re supposed to be with. We need to value ourselves, have self-worth, and know that we deserve the great love that exists. The right person will show you why it never worked out with anyone else. So don’t rush anything and let the love we all deserve find us.

TCID: sasha-rueda