No Matter What, I Am Thankful I Got To Know You

Everything was exciting in the beginning because you and I were the most beautiful versions of ourselves to each other. You almost made me lose my mind.

As time went by, we got tired and bored of keeping up, and what once used to be magical started to seem quite ordinary because there was no chase and no thrill. Maybe we met each other in transition.

That is what happened with us. I saw in you what I was looking for, even if you didn’t have it all. You saw in me what you always wanted, which I didn’t fully have. We were hopeful, because we didn’t know how to look in the right places.

We jumped in so quickly, not even thinking twice. Everything moved so fast — we fell for each other too fast and then we grew apart within months.

We tried to let each other go, but we held on to the last string of hope that kept us together. I still cannot understand if it was the connection or if it is selfishness on our parts. We would be separated for months or years, but when we needed someone, we could always find each other. I remember more details about you from those few months than I know of people I have known for years.

You are the drug that gave me immediate, short-term comfort. We hated ourselves for going back to each other and swore we wouldn’t, but we inevitably went back for more.

Maybe it was the short period that has somehow left me mystified with who you are. We are exactly the example of people who shouldn’t stay friends, but we are also the kind of people that stories are told about.

Maybe we found each other when what we needed most was a companion in this lonesome city filled with millions of people where no one has the time to listen to anyone.

You and I both hurt each other, more than normal people do. We swore that we wouldn’t repeat it, but we never kept our promise. But the ease I found in knowing you would listen was worth the volatile chaos we created every so often.

Maybe my desire to be understood was strong for someone who had been so misunderstood for so long, and you had the perfect soul. I wanted you to fix me, but I didn’t realize that maybe you were a little broken too.

I wish you well. A part of me will expect a response whenever I reach out and the other part will understand if you never do. Sometimes I wish we could lose all contact because that would be the smarter thing to do.

We told each other to stay away, we said we were so done, yet we kept finding ourselves in each other’s lives over and over again because we can never fully let go.

Probably we needed each other to get through our hardest times in this lonely city. Knowing you were there helped me through a lot because you saved me from drowning. That is the story of us — and on and off friendship of some sort.

Somehow, I can forgive you for everything, and I would like to believe you can too. With you, I know I could always start over till you prove me wrong. With our fleeting romance, I learned I could feel, and I could see how brutal I could be.

You taught me it is not necessary for everything to work out. You told me we are not necessarily the results of our past. You could be vicious sometimes.

We are usually the cruelest to the ones who we think hold us closest to their hearts because we think they will never fully let us go. I cannot imagine what I would do the day you completely let go of me. My heart would miss your presence, but my mind would also understand.

The ephemeral nature of our relationship is what made it the most beautiful.