Maybe Loving You Isn’t Supposed To Be Easy

I see photos of these perfect couples with their perfect love
A love they say is simple and easy
And for so long
I believed them
And so I sought a perfect lover
To share a perfect love
But I am not simple and I am not easy
Nor am I perfect
And neither are you

Loving you isn’t simple
For I am a complicated being
With a heart that’s been shattered, hardened, softened and healed
Only to be broken again
By life and loss

Loving you isn’t easy
It’s a spiritual journey
A walk through the fire
A mirror
Shining the light on the darkest parts of my heart
The parts I’ve been taught to hide
From you and myself
Loving you can reawaken
Old wounds
Reminding me how hard it can be
To feel safe
Being so vulnerable
And open
And yet, still leaning in
Slowly and sweetly
Despite the discomforts
Because although it’s not easy
It sure as hell is worth it

Loving you can be triggering
And thus, an opportunity to heal
And healing, my dear one
is never easy or simple
Loving you is a safe space
For me to speak up with another
Authentically and honestly
Especially when I spent many years
Shutting down

Loving you is a practice
In being seen, heard, valued, and respected
And doing the same for you
Imperfectly
And highly flawed at times
Loving you is a lesson
In communication
In forgiveness
In acceptance
In letting go

The kind of love that is meant for me
Is not easy or simple
For I am not simple or easy
And neither are you
We’ve got depth and profundity and questions and laughter
Loving you is an adventure
To be traveled alone
And together
The kind of love that is meant for me
Is not perfect
It doesn’t fulfill me
Complete me
Or make me whole
And it doesn’t always feel good
In fact, sometimes it feels shitty
For your presence can illuminate
Fears, insecurities, expired beliefs
Where I have gotten stuck
Where I need to heal

Why seek a love that is simple, easy, or perfect
When we can have a love that is so much more?